Title: Acceptable Losses
Author: Draconic_Girl
Team: Dragon
Genre(s): Post-war
Prompt(s): Forgiveness & Hog's Head
Rating: R
Word Count: ~ 32 000
Summary: An unexpected sacrifice opens the doorway to a new life for Severus Snape.
A/N: Many thanks to my beta-readers: babblinbrook42, ivylady and joanwilder. This story would not be here without your help! (With that said, any remaining mistakes are mine.) And a special thank you to my friend Silver, for her unwavering support. Silver, this one's for you! And many, many, thanks to djin7 and the mods for arranging the Games.
I hope you enjoy the story as much as I enjoyed writing it!
You know, it all started with one thing. Stories usually do, but there was nothing that forewarned me that something out of the ordinary would happen today aside from the battle which I thought terrifying enough as it was. Weary, I had returned to my beloved home: Hog's Head. I did not care to stay at the castle. There were so many things going on there and somehow I knew my role in the events that had gone past would not stay unnoticed if I staid too long, so I left. I had no need for personal accolades. It was enough that I had survived. If one was not satisfied by that, then one was a fool.
When I had settled down on my comfy but worn sofa, I reached for my wand and spelled the window open, wanting to let in some fresh air. I sighed appreciatively, when I felt the slight breeze brush my bearded cheek as I leaned to grab a glass of Ogden's best. Tonight was, of course, a time to celebrate the victory that we had won, but I paid more weight to the fact that I had survived another war. What kept me going? Why was I allowed to stay alive while others, who were far younger than me, were lost?
Lost in my thoughts, I did not pay much attention to the bird that flew past my window. It was, after all, not a strange occurrence at all. Had I looked closer, I would have noticed that it was no ordinary bird but a phoenix — my brother's phoenix.
I continued my ponderings with the slight help of the Firewhiskey. I had helped as best I could. The war had ended. Yet, I could not find peace. So many things had been lost. Had it been all worth it? Could I now say, I forgive you, Albus, you were right? That there was no sacrifice that had not been worth making?
My thoughts were interrupted when I saw a sudden burst of light in the Shrieking Shack. The wail that followed the sudden flash of light echoed through the village. I felt my heart skip a beat. Was it not over? Was someone still fighting? I realised there was only one thing for me to do, so I grabbed my robes and Disillusioned myself. If I ran into trouble, I could call for help, but if it was nothing, just an old man's imagination playing games after having too much Ogden's, there was no need to bother anyone else with it. I was not ready to lose what dignity I had gained through my role in the war.
It did not take me long to walk to the Shack. When I arrived, it was dark once more. I almost thought I had imagined the light, but then I heard something rattle. Cautiously I slipped inside, taking care not to make any noise and that was something I was good at, always been in fact. I had to be good at something. He was better though, but I must not think of him now.
I was not prepared for what I would find.
It was he. I knew it before I turned his body over. I brushed away the soot and dirt from his face. I was startled by his appearance. He looked so different, so young. My suspicions rapidly increasing, I pulled up his left sleeve and found nothing, nothing but pale unmarked skin. My gaze next flickered to his neck, no wounds. What was going on? Was I going mad at last? For I could have sworn that this man was Severus Snape. Yet he bore no mark and no wounds and then... I realised his chest moved. He was breathing. How could this be?
What had happened? Had not the Chosen One himself proclaimed that Severus Snape had lost his life in the battle, and that we should honour the man for all that he had sacrificed for our cause? Sacrifice. I thought, sighing, there's that word again. Will I ever be free from it? From him?
I looked at the Shack one last time before pointing my wand at it, setting it on fire, burning all the evidence away. Then I flicked my wand again, casting a featherweight charm on him before I picked him up from the ground. I did not look back as I headed to my home, my mind was buzzing with plans and questions. What was I going to do, and what had happened to him, being the most prominent thoughts.
Harry gripped his wand: he felt whole again. When he touched the wand, he could almost hear Fawkes singing. He shook his head. What was he thinking? Fawkes had disappeared. He put the wand back in his pocket, satisfied that it was indeed repaired. No other wand could compare to this one, not even the Elder Wand. He looked at Ron and Hermione and then picked up the Elder Wand.
"Are you going to return it now?" Hermione asked quietly.
"There's no time like the present," Harry said, even though he was yawning. He chose not to mention the phoenix song or the growing compulsion he felt to leave the room after he had reconnected with his own wand. It sounded too strange, even coming from him. Ron and Hermione might think him crazy if he'd told them that it felt like his holly wand wanted to lead him somewhere.
"We'll come with you," Ron offered.
"No, there's no need." Seeing that his friends were going to protest, Harry quickly continued, "This is something I want to do by myself, and I have the wand and the cloak, no one will notice me. You go and get some rest; you've earned it."
"Are you saying that you haven't?" Hermione said questioningly.
"No, I just want to bring an end to everything tonight. Then I can rest," Harry said, determined. Though he was tempted to leave it until he had rested, he knew that he had to get outside now, preferably alone. He had another mystery to solve.
"Okay," Hermione said, gently touching his shoulder. But then she changed her mind and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing him tightly, murmuring how glad she was that he was all right. After Harry complained that he needed to breathe, Hermione let go of him, stepping back with the determined glint back in her eyes. She crossed her arms and stared Harry straight in the eye. "If you are not back in Gryffindor Tower in two hours, I'm sending out a search party! No buts."
Ron rolled his eyes at his girlfriend's behaviour, but he could not deny that he too had been worried about the outcome of today's events.
"Take care, mate," Ron said. He patted Harry on the shoulder before he took Hermione's hand and led her towards the door. Hand in hand, they walked out of the office, leaving Harry alone with Dumbledore's portrait.
"There's something you did not tell them, Harry," Dumbledore said, looking at him from the portrait. He did not look disapproving, so Harry judged that he was doing the right thing.
"Yes," Harry admitted. He put the Elder Wand in his pocket and picked up his cloak. He felt the phoenix song in his mind become stronger. Maybe he had not been imagining it after all?
"Goodbye, Professor," Harry said before he put his cloak on, effectively disappearing from view.
"Goodbye, my boy, do be careful out there," Dumbledore called out after him.
Harry stood outside the tomb, his hands fingering his wand and his cloak draped over his arm. It had been easy to leave the Elder Wand behind; he had no desire for more power. Just as he was about to throw his cloak back on, he heard someone approaching. When he saw that it was Hagrid, he draped it back over his arm.
Hagrid put his hand on Harry's shoulder; they did not speak for there was nothing left to say. It was finally over.
Suddenly, the silent moment was broken by a scream, and the phoenix song that had invaded Harry's mind after he repaired his wand was gone. He hurried towards the source of the sound with Hagrid closely following him. He gaped in surprise when he reached the smoking ruins of the Shrieking Shack. Too late, he remembered that he had left Snape there.
"Too late," Harry mouthed the words as he took in the sight of the completely obliterated Shack. Too late to bring him or what was left of him back. Hagrid gripped his shoulder tightly, steering him back towards Hogwarts and murmuring that it was over. Numbly, Harry followed him back to the castle. Why had he not told someone to check the Shack after he had killed Voldemort? He berated himself. It had been all nice, making a speech about Snape's loyalties when he really should have sent someone to recover the body. Snape had received little thanks for his service when he lived. The least Harry could have done was to have arranged a proper burial for him, and now he didn't even know what had happened to his body.
Tomorrow, he thought determinedly, I will head out to the Hog's Head and ask the villagers if they know what happened to the shack. Maybe Aberforth would know something? He knew the man had returned to the village after the battle ended.
Severus was still unconscious, and Aberforth could not help wondering if he was doing the right thing by keeping him hidden. Perhaps he would let the decision slide until Severus woke up; it had only been a day since he brought him back, so Aberforth still had time to consider his options. He was startled from his thoughts when he heard someone knocking on the door.
Aberforth glanced at the clock; it was almost eight o'clock. Who could it be? Before heading for the door, he made sure the wards on Severus' room were up. He could not be too careful at the moment. His charge had not even returned to consciousness yet, and he was not sure how he would react upon waking up.
"Harry?" he said. He was genuinely surprised to see the Chosen One standing on his doorstep. Why was Harry still here? Shouldn't he be off celebrating his victory or at the Burrow with the Weasleys? Aberforth was quite certain he had heard that Harry was planning to spend time there.
"May I come in?" Harry asked nervously.
"Of course," Aberforth replied and stepped back to let Harry into his home, noticing the way the boy glanced around nervously. "Now, what brings you here?"
"Minerva asked me to return this to you when she heard I was coming to the village. She said you had left it at the castle," Harry said, handing Aberforth a portrait.
"The war is over, I have no use for it," Aberforth said gruffly.
"But...he's..." Harry stuttered.
Aberforth sighed. The boy was no doubt conjuring up images of a happy family reunion, now that the war had ended. "My brother, yes, and I think I spent quite enough time with him while he lived."
"But don't you think that he..."
"That he what? Deserves to be forgiven? That he was right? You have much more faith in him than I had," Aberforth interrupted hastily, not wanting a repeat of the last time they had discussed Albus.
"I am not going to take it back," Harry said stubbornly. "And his plan was successful. I survived, didn't I?" His tone was challenging Aberforth to disagree.
Aberforth chose not to rise to the bait and acknowledged Harry's claim with a nod. They would never agree when it came to Albus, and with that thought in mind, he decided to drop the portrait issue. He gained nothing by convincing Harry to take the portrait back; it would only mean that Minerva would return it to him in person. She was one of the most stubborn people he had known because she had never given up hope when it came to reconciling the two brothers.
"Now, was there something else?" he inquired.
"The Shrieking Shack, do you know what happened to it?" Harry asked, his voice tinged by sheer desperation.
"Oh, that? Well, it must have crumbled down soon after the final battle had been fought," Aberforth replied with a dismissive gesture. "The energy released during the night must have finally destroyed whatever wards still remained that had kept the Shack standing for so long, and a pile of wooden rubble does not take much to ignite."
"How do you know about the wards?" Harry asked. And then more curiously he added, "Do you know what happened to Snape's body?"
"Of course I know about them, I had to help Albus put them up. He needed someone he could trust from the village itself," Aberforth said, not once referring to the fact that he'd been chosen because he was Albus' brother. He noted that Harry kept his mouth firmly shut, even at the mention of Albus. So the boy was prepared to drop that matter in exchange for answers, but what was Aberforth ready to reveal? Not much if he was honest.
"As for the matter of Severus Snape," Aberforth let out a deep sigh before resolutely stating, "it has been dealt with." He hoped that Harry would stop pestering him for answers, but judging by Harry's reaction to his words, he had chosen the wrong way to end the conversation. The boy seemed quite agitated, which was not the reaction Aberforth had expected to get.
"How can you talk of him like that?" By the end of the sentence Harry vibrated with anger.
"Like what?" Aberforth asked evasively, pleased by Harry's reaction. While it was true that he had been surprised by the intensity of it, Harry's reaction proved that Harry honestly cared for Severus's fate, and that he had not just been pretending.
"Like...like he was a thing to be disposed off after the war ended."
"What does it matter to you? You never cared for him before, did you? Are you claiming you know Severus better than I did? Just like you knew my brother better than I did," Aberforth said quietly before turning away. He felt tired and he just wished the conversation to be over. And, he hoped his confession about knowing Severus would make Harry feel guilty about the way he had lashed out at him. There were no more honest answers that he could offer Harry, and to be honest, at the moment he could not care less about Harry's need for information. Severus Snape's life was in his hands, and he intended to keep him safe. He owed him that much for the way Albus had treated him, and most importantly, he owed it to him because they had been friends.
Frustrated, Harry stormed out of the house. Aberforth's callous treatment of Snape had incensed him. Severus Snape might not have been the nicest bloke in the work, but that did not mean he did not deserve respect, however late he was to show it. Unfortunately, Aberforth's words did not stop there, and Harry fled. He could not bear to hear what Aberforth might next say to him because he knew that the older man was right. He had not cared for his professor before, and if he were honest, he did not know if he cared for the man now. Was he worried about Severus Snape the man or was he just looking for answers? Thinking about that calmed him down a bit, but inside he was still seething. He did not know where the anger had come from, but he knew it was strong. Maybe it was the injustice of it all that made him so angry, but what did he know? It could be anything really that caused it. The adrenaline rush from the battle was still fresh in his memory.
And for one mad moment as he walked towards the castle, he thought of running to the woods and recovering the Resurrection Stone to find out the truth. Of course, that made him realise that he had done a wise thing when he threw it away. The urge to bring them all back would have become stronger and stronger until he could no longer resist. His heart ached with longing for those he had lost. Sometimes, he felt like he was betraying them by not keeping the Stone and returning Teddy his parents or George his twin. But, Harry knew that they would never be the same as they had been. 'Dying, it tends to change you,' he thought, letting out a shaky laugh.
He stopped walking for a moment, trying to take control of all the emotions flowing through him. He would not break down. Not here. Not so soon after everything. He needed time. He had no idea where he would feel safe enough to let the walls around him crumble, so that he could grieve properly. For now, the Burrow would have to do. He had made a promise, and he did not intend to break it. Oddly enough, it was not Ginny he was afraid of disappointing but rather Ron and his parents. They wanted him to stay with them for awhile. Their repeated requests sounded as if they were worried about what he would do, should he chose to go off somewhere alone.
Severus blinked dazedly. Where was he? What had happened? The last thing he remembered was looking into Lily's, no, Potter's eyes. "What happened?" Severus said, and looked around, feeling truly baffled. He had a clear memory of looking into eyes that had glimmered with emotion before sinking into darkness. And in that darkness, he swore he had seen the same eyes staring at him. Guiding him away. Back. Back to life. But why? And most importantly how?
"Albus?" Severus choked out when he saw the white-bearded man peering intently at him.
Aberforth shook his head, a glint of sadness flickering in his eyes as he regarded Severus. Did he not remember what had happened?
"Aberforth," Severus tried next, and this time he received a confirming nod. He let out a small breath of relief before asking his next question, "Where am I?"
"You're safe and that's what matters," Aberforth said, handing Severus a vial.
"What's it for?" Severus asked suspiciously, although he knew Aberforth would never intentionally harm him.
"You'll see," Aberforth said cryptically.
Suddenly, Severus felt all his memories come rushing back: the tower, Voldemort and Potter. The memories overwhelmed him. He grabbed the potion vial and checked it over quickly. It was a strong painkiller mixed with a Sleeping Draught, and nothing seemed to be amiss with it. With the way his head felt at the moment, he really had no choice but to drink it. He would have preferred to have a potion that would not put him to sleep, as he felt he had been dead to the world long enough. That was his last lucid thought before he fell asleep.
When he next woke up, he was alone. He felt strange, like something profound had happened to him during his sleep. Of course, he realised that his head did not feel like it was exploding anymore. He scanned his surroundings. Why was he here? How had he gotten here? The last thing he remembered before waking up here was...the snakebite and Potter.
"I should be dead," he muttered, one of his hands flying to his neck. But instead of scars, his hand found only unharmed skin. Amazed, he let his hand fall back into his lap. That was when Aberforth walked into the room.
"You are finally awake again," Aberforth replied. "What about your memories? Do you remember waking up before?"
"Yes, and I think I remember everything up until Nagini..." Severus trailed off, not knowing how to continue.
"Good," Aberforth said, obviously relieved to hear that Severus still remembered things. It would have been hard to speak with him if he had not remembered who Aberforth was. They had so much in common because of Albus, who had let both of them down. Aberforth could still remember the first time that Severus had passed out in his pub; it had been around the time that he had first started teaching. Slowly Severus' reason for coming to the Hog's Head changed from drinking himself into a stupor to talking with him. It had been a strange sort of friendship that few had known about, as both of them were quite capable at deception.
"Aberforth?" No answer. Severus tried a bit more loudly, "Aberforth?!" This time he got a reaction.
"Oh sorry, I must be getting old. Sinking into my thoughts like that when I came here to talk with you."
"It's all right," Severus said. Then he frowned as he thought of his last memories. He could not believe that he had not asked Aberforth about how the battle had gone. What if they had lost? "Is everything all right? Did we succeed? Did Ha- did Potter kill him? Were there many losses?"
"Yes, he defeated Voldemort. Everything went according to the plan," Aberforth said with a tired sigh. "As for the losses, some Order members lost their lives. Some of them were so young. I'll bring you the Daily Prophet, and you can read for yourself."
"The Daily Prophet? But I want to hear it from you and not some unreliable journalist," Severus said, clearly frustrated with the lack of answers.
"Oh, but it wasn't written by a journalist. Hermione Granger interviewed people who had fought against the Death Eaters and other survivors of the battle. Her account of the battle was published in the Prophet a day after the battle. It seems like they wanted to get the truth out quickly to prevent too many rumours from spreading. However, there's one thing that I could tell you, though you might not believe it if you only read about it."
Severus scoffed, thinking he would hardly trust anything that was published in the Prophet, even if it was written by a goody Gryffindor, but he supposed he could give it a chance because of Aberforth' reassurances of its accuracy. "So what else is there to your story?"
"That Potter was most upset by your death and the disappearance of your body. I had to tell him off when he questioned me about you. I don't know if I should have told him about you. He did defend you when he fought Voldemort. He brought down Voldemort, not only with his wand, but also with his words, making sure that Voldemort knew exactly what your role had been in the fight. "
"What does it matter what he said? What do I care about what he thinks of me?" Severus said, staring at the ceiling. "I can never go back. I'm dead to the world, and...I should be dead. I had no defence against Nagini. What happened to me? Why are my scars gone? What do you intend to do to me? How can the Dark Mark be gone?" he added with a whisper as if he was afraid that it would come back.
"I'm not going to do anything to you, except keep you safe."
"But why..." Severus interjected.
Aberforth quickly cut off any protest.
"Listen to me, Severus. You have known me for years, you have visited my pub numerous times, and you should know by now that I count you as one of my few friends. I am not going to let anyone hear about you surviving, unless you want me to inform someone," Aberforth said, looking questioningly at Severus who shook his head.
Severus had no intention of telling anyone about his survival unless it was absolutely necessary.
"As for your rescue, I confess I don't know that much."
And Aberforth proceeded to explain how he had found Severus in the Shack, covered in soot and a single golden feather lying on top of him. He showed the feather to Severus.
"Fawkes," Severus gasped out. "Where's he now?"
Aberforth shook his head sadly. "He's gone."
"Gone how? He's a phoenix. He can't die."
"Oh, they can die. But death does not mean the same thing for them, as you know. No, he chose to give up his life for you, effectively ending the cycle of his life as Fawkes, but he is not gone forever. Maybe he has been reborn somewhere else on earth, or maybe he has yet to come back, he will never return as Fawkes. That was the price of his sacrifice. He did not simply heal your scars and remove your Dark Mark, he gave you a true chance to start over, taking you back to a time when you were unmarked," Aberforth said before handing Severus a mirror.
Severus grabbed the mirror. His hands were shaking ever so slightly, and only to himself he admitted that he was afraid of what he would see. But, he had to know. He gasped and almost dropped the mirror when he saw his image. The sight was one that he had not been confronted with in two decades.
"Merlin, how can I hide something like this?" Severus said, dropping the mirror into his lap. He turned to look at Aberforth, "And how do you know so much about phoenixes? Or, are you just guessing?"
"No, I am not speculating. I found out everything there was to know about phoenixes after Fawkes bonded with my brother. I was quite jealous of him," Aberforth added as an afterthought. There were few things he had actually envied his brother for, and Fawkes was one of them.
Severus nodded in understanding and looked away for a moment. He did not know what to say to Aberforth. Even though he was one of the few people who actually knew how tumultuous the relationship between the brothers had been, Aberforth had never admitted to being jealous of Albus. He'd only told him that he had never forgiven Albus for what he had done. Severus opted for silence, picking up the mirror once again. All thoughts of the Dumbledore brothers disappeared as he was once again facing an image from the past. His past.
When Aberforth realised that Severus was not going to say anything more, he silently backed out of the room. Severus needed time to come to terms with his change and did not require an audience. Besides, there was something Aberforth needed to do before he continued his discussion with Severus.
Aberforth went to his room and grabbed his brother's portrait from its hiding spot inside his dresser. Determinedly, he headed for his favourite armchair. He sat down and took a deep breath before unwrapping the portrait to reveal the smiling face of Albus Dumbledore. He wanted to hear what Albus thought when it came to Severus, but that did not mean he was willing to risk Albus telling someone that Severus had survived. So, he took precautions, spelling the portrait so that it would be impossible for Albus to mention anything about Severus' survival. Even if he was reduced to a portrait at the moment, Aberforth knew his brother had a lot of influence, and he feared what might happen if Albus revealed Severus' secret. Aberforth knew what his brother was capable of doing. Merlin, the man had even orchestrated his own death.
Still, there was some part of Aberforth that wanted to believe that Albus had changed. That his brother would admit to having been wrong about some things. He did not want him to be the same man he had always been, the one who'd betrayed him years ago, but he pushed those thoughts away in favour of describing to Albus what he had done since the battle ended and what he had found in the Shack. Eventually Albus asked Aberforth the one question that drove him over the edge.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Why? You dare ask me why? After all that you made him do for you?" Aberforth replied with spite in his voice. Nothing had changed Albus, not even death. He should have known not to hope for a change. Albus was still the same boy as years ago, the same brother who'd disappointed him, betrayed him and Ariana, and who had not stood by his family when needed. Aberforth turned away from the portrait. Even after all these years, he got emotional when he thought of Ariana. He was glad her portrait was in the other room. He did not want her to see him argue with Albus. Not again, not after what had happened in the past. There were some things that he could never forget, and forgiveness - forgiveness was something beyond his reach. More so after Albus had questioned him for giving Severus a chance to be free.
When he had calmed down, he turned to face his brother's portrait once more.
"Albus, I am giving him the chance you should have given years ago. You demanded so much from him and gave so little in return. Sure, he avoided Azkaban and the Dementors, but he was still imprisoned, and his reputation damned him forever. He never truly got another chance and that's what I am intending to give him. Severus Snape is dead, but I will make sure he will have a new life as someone else. You must know I am disappointed in you, more than ever." Aberforth grabbed the portrait and tossed it under one of the loose floorboards.
"Wait..." Albus said weakly, but it was too late. Aberforth was gone.
He sighed as he felt darkness enclose him; he had only wanted Aberforth to be careful. He had not meant to imply that Severus did not deserve a second chance. But, living as a portrait meant that he did not always remember everything, like the fact that Aberforth had been very fond of Severus. It seemed like his acts of protectiveness were forever doomed to be misunderstood. He closed his eyes. He just wanted to forget, about everything, but seeing Aberforth with the same look as years ago, made him hurt. He had betrayed him once again. He only hoped that he would get another chance to set things right, but being a portrait did not make it easy. Perhaps when the students arrived at Hogwarts, he would get his chance to right the wrongs.
Severus and Aberforth were down in the pub. Aberforth had just closed the place for the day, and now he was facing another discussion with Severus. Severus had fully recovered now and was anxious to do something else besides rest. He was getting rather agitated by the way he had been confined to his room or the kitchen. They had to do something soon, before someone became curious about whom Aberforth was housing in the Hog's Head.
"Aberforth, you said I would get another chance. But how can I get one? Everyone knows my past and there are things that they cannot forgive. Abe, they know what I did! How in the world am I going to find freedom in this world? Tell me! Especially when I look like this? They will accuse me of using Dark Magic to revitalise myself, and how could I possibly explain that it was Fawkes that..."
Aberforth felt his heart clenching when he heard the sheer desperation in Severus' voice. Then he knew he had to do it. "Severus. I have an idea about that."
"Well what is it?" Severus asked impatiently.
"If you are concerned about what they will think about you. Then there's really just one thing to do."
"And what is that? Stop talking circles or I'll think you've turned into him," Severus finished with a waver in his voice. "And I hope you're not talking about using Glamours or Polyjuice Potion, because I can tell you I have had enough of them!"
"Oh never that, never. I just...would have wanted you to be able to be free just as you are," Aberforth said.
He looked every year of his age at the moment, and Severus was warmed when he saw the real concern on his friend's face. Somebody did really care for what happened to him. He patted Aberforth awkwardly on the shoulder. He did not want him to be sorry, after everything that he had done to help him. He then moved back to let Aberforth finish talking.
"But as that is not possible, mostly because everyone thinks you are dead and, despite Harry's words, few will ever truly believe that you were a hero just like him. So, we must disguise you somehow. They must not recognise you for who you were, and I believe we can do it without any Glamours or potions."
"But how?" Severus asked, truly intrigued by Aberforth's words.
"We will hide you in plain sight," Aberforth said with a smirk.
"But how will that work out?" Severus asked again.
"I will tell you more soon, but first there are some things I must investigate and people that I need to contact." Aberforth paused for a moment before thoughtfully adding, "There's something you should know about my plan."
"Abe," Severus said warningly, "you have barely told me what the plan is, and now you are implying that there's something that I will definitely not like about it. Why can't you tell me more about it? Or are you afraid I won't do it?"
"Severus, I would never force you to do anything. I am merely reluctant to reveal all the details before I am sure about it all working out, such as gaining other people's cooperation. In all the years you have known me, have you ever known me to give you any information or plan before I was completely certain of its accuracy? So, why would I start now?"
"That's true," Severus admitted. "Now why were you afraid I would be upset?"
"Because my plan would take you back to Hogwarts," Aberforth explained, "and I am not sure you are ready to go back. However, I also know it will make it easier for you in the end."
"How could it possibly make it any easier for me if I went back? You know what I have been through there. I have spent the most miserable years of my life in that castle and that includes last year!"
"I know, I know. But, we have both worked undercover for years and what have we learned? That it is easier to blend into a group of people when there are many other new people around as well. The war has ended, which means that more students will be sent to Hogwarts, transfer students, home-schooled ones, and of course, first-year students. So, there won't be as many questions asked as before, when practically no one wanted to transfer to Hogwarts because of Voldemort."
"I know," Severus sighed and turned away. "I guess I just didn't realise how hard it would be. To go back, there..." He trailed off.
"Severus, I am not forcing you to go. It's your choice. But, I think it would do you good to get better memories of Hogwarts and when you have graduated, you can go anywhere you want. You will have proper qualifications, instead of falsified documents," Aberforth reasoned.
"Anywhere I want," Severus repeated slowly. "But, I don't have any money, graduating from Hogwarts doesn't mean I will get any money to travel. I can hardly access my Gringotts funds if I am going to appear as someone else."
"I think you will find that the goblins will keep your secret and you can use Albus' money to travel. He left me everything. As if it was money that I craved from him. Hmph," Aberforth said before he left Severus. He had work to do and people to contact. He just hoped that Severus would not be disappointed with his plan. He did realise that Severus certainly would be upset with him when he heard just what secrets Aberforth had kept from him, but he hoped that Severus would understand why he had never told him about them.
"Severus! I've got everything sorted out. The perfect cover story, it will work out just like I planned it to. You will be able to hide in plain sight! No Glamours or potions," Aberforth said. His usually grumpy appearance had disappeared in favour of excitement.
"Well let's hear it, then," Severus said, trying to not sound too eager. It had been hard to stay inside for the days that Aberforth had been finalising his plan, especially now that he had completely recovered. Thankfully Aberforth had let him into his kitchen and for the past days the patrons of the Hog's Head had enjoyed better meals than usual, as Severus had taken over the kitchen. It was as close to brewing as he could get at the moment.
"You could be the son of Adelaide Prince," Aberforth began, explaining.
"Adelaide Prince," Severus interrupted him. "Surely you jest. The name is a sure give away. You can't just make things up."
"But, I haven't." Seeing that Severus was about to interrupt him again, he quickly continued his explanation. "Adelaide Prince is a lovely woman, she raises goats. I got my most recent goat Rufus from her. She has always been very kind to me, and in return, I have helped her with some things."
"Such as..." Severus leaned forward, beginning to get really interested in Abe's plan.
"I helped her stay hidden."
"From whom? Voldemort? Your brother?"
"Her family," Aberforth said solemnly.
"Her family? The Prince family? Why? Are we related?"
"She is the daughter of your mother's sister, Jocelyn."
"Why are you lying to me? My mother had no sister." Severus said baffled by Aberforth's words.
"Unfortunately I am not lying."
"Unfortunately," Severus repeated dumbly. "What do you mean, 'unfortunately'?"
"Now if you could stop interrupting me all the time, maybe I could finally get to explain it," Aberforth said with a pointed glare.
"Yes, of course," Severus muttered.
"As I was saying, your mother had a sister called Jocelyn. She was a couple of years older than your mother, beautiful girl really. Unfortunately she did not develop in other ways than that. She... she never displayed any signs of accidental magic and when the letter didn't come, her parents, your grandparents, were finally forced to admit that the apple of their eyes was a Squib. For a couple of years she stayed home, but when Eileen received her letter and was sorted into Slytherin, her parents turned their attention away from curing her. She was miserable. Eventually, she ran away. No one went after her. Years went by, and one day when I decided to visit the neighbouring village's market instead of going to Godric's Hollow, I ran into her, literally, as I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. I recognised her as soon as I saw her eyes. They were just like yours," Aberforth said with a fond smile on his face. Jocelyn had been a special girl.
"How do you know all this?" Severus said, unable to keep quiet any longer.
"I, for all my bad reputation, was actually her godfather. It was assumed by the family that I did not want to continue as such when they found out she was a Squib. Of course, they told no one that their precious daughter was a Squib. Instead, they told everyone she was sick, but I knew better and finally got my answers that day when I saw her. She hadn't died or disappeared from Britain. She was alive and well, living as a Muggle with a fellow Squib who had also been forced to leave his birth home. I never did find out his surname," Aberforth trailed off. After a moment of woolgathering, he got on with his explanation. "They lived in a small cottage. They kept a few animals and grew vegetables for their own use and to sell at the market. I bought my first goat from her. Archie, I called him. Good fella, faithful to the very end. She was very happy when she realised I wouldn't tell anyone about what I had discovered and that I was happy to remain her godfather even though she was a Squib."
"And Adelaide?"
"Adelaide was her only child, a witch at that. But Jocelyn was determined to keep her away from her family. She didn't want the Prince family to have her. So, I made some arrangements with Albus, who was by then the Headmaster of Hogwarts, that he wouldn't send out the letter for her nor inform the Ministry of her status. I agreed to train her as best I could. She was a good pupil, but she enjoyed working on the farm more. She raises goats nowadays, and Jocelyn used to blame me for that. As if it was my fault. Anyway, what is important is that she is the perfect alibi for you. I've been hiding her for this long, and now, you and she are the only people left of the Prince family. There's no reason for either of you to hide anymore. She looks forward to meeting you and she has agreed to play the part of your mother."
"I don't need a mother," Severus protested. "I've already had one. And..."
"And nothing. You don't have to spend much time with her, but you have to get your stories straight at least."
"And why would she help me?"
"Because you are family, and she knows what happened to your mother — how your parents disowned her for marrying your father and how they didn't care to check up on her. They abandoned her, just like they did Jocelyn, and she knows of your efforts in the war," Aberforth explained. "I would have told you about her before, but it was not safe for either of you."
"I'll have to think about this. I can't blame you for not telling me any of this before."
"Thank you. And yes, you may think about it, but don't ponder it for too long. I don't want the Ministry swarming over us."
"I understand."'
That night Severus slept very little.
He had made his decision. He had considered his options and after a week he had made his final decision. He was going to be Kieran Prince, son of Adelaide Prince. His father, John Carlsson, had died in an accident when he was very little, and he did not remember him. Adelaide had raised him by herself, and Aberforth was his godfather and guardian. Nobody in the wizarding world knew who he was. He'd been home-schooled and had lived all his life in a small, secluded farm not far from Godric's Hollow. He was seventeen years old, and with the defeat of Voldemort, his mother had decided that he could go to Hogwarts for his final year of schooling. She'd finally relented to Aberforth's requests, and Kieran would live at the Hog's Head with Aberforth during the summer, getting used to the wizarding world. This was his story. This was the new him.
He looked around. So this was it. His new room looked a bit dingy, but it still felt warm and welcoming. It was certainly an improvement from Spinner's End. He had gone back there with Aberforth to collect some things before the Aurors ransacked it. Not that there was much that he wanted to save from his previous home. There were just the small things, a letter or two, and his books. Aberforth even promised to get his things from the castle. Apparently, Aberforth was still on good terms with Minerva despite the fact that the two of them disagreed when it came to the matter of Albus Dumbledore.
He sighed and lay down on the bed. Who would have thought he had earned another second chance? Well, perhaps he ought to call it a third chance or so. Life was remarkable really. He'd finally got something good out of his sacrifices. Granted, he had not thought he would survive, but yes, it still counted.
It was sort of funny, if you really thought about it. Last year he had been Headmaster of Hogwarts; now he would be returning as a student, a seventh-year student. He even had to retake his O.W.Ls at the Ministry, so that he would have the proper qualifications. Aberforth had not agreed to forge everything and perhaps he was right. They were taking a gamble as it was, hoping that no one would become suspicious. Being caught because of forged documents was not something he intended to do. Hopefully, there would be no reason for anyone to suspect foul play, as the Prince family was well known for its pureblood policies. So people would not think twice about him having lived in hiding.
When it came to the matter of meeting his cousin, Adelaide, he did not know what he ought to think. Obviously they would have to meet, very soon, in order to plant memories and things at her house to make it look as if he had lived there as well. Inside he felt frightened. What if she looked like his mother? It had been a long time since she passed away. Would seeing Adelaide bring back all the grief he had felt when he had watched his mother fade away?
Not to mention all his worries when it came to being recognised. What could he change? His habits? His looks? Would it be enough? Would it ever be enough? Sometimes thinking of all the small details was enough to give him a splitting headache. And at those times, he doubted himself. Could he start over again? What would keep him going? He had finally found freedom, but at the same time he was basically starting everything over again at the age of seventeen. That time in his life that had been traumatic enough the first time around, and now he had to do it again. He had to grow up again.
Growing up was something he should have done much earlier, and not when it had been too late to change things. Before he had pushed Lily away, before he had to see his mother die and before he had to see his classmates being tortured, tortured by the man he had foolishly sworn to serve.
Oh, sweet Salazar! The things he had done. He let out a deep sigh. The things he had done in the name of Voldemort, in the name of Dumbledore and for Lily. Had he ever done anything for himself? Maybe, he thought with a growing realisation, this will be my chance to do things for myself. To be myself. Not that he had let anyone stop him from uttering his opinions, especially not in his later years, but still oaths and rumours had bound him. It had slowly turned him into a shell. There had been few reasons to keep going on. He had become tired - tired of living, and his body had suffered at the hands of his masters. He had been a tool in the war and nothing else. A puppet playing whatever part he was required to do.
Here he was being offered a chance by a man who had no reason to help him. Or perhaps, he had. Aberforth was the only one who had known the sides of Albus that were hidden from the public. Aberforth knew Albus well, and he also knew what Severus had gone through because of him. At one time Severus had heard the two brothers arguing about him, and though Albus had got his way that time, he felt confident that Aberforth would stand his ground in future arguments. Albus might be dead but his portrait was still around. His thoughts turned back to his discussion with Aberforth.
"Do you really think it's safe for me to keep my mother's maiden name?"
"Safe? I don't know. But, I think it is for the best, and I think our cover story is good enough. The war ended, Voldemort is dead. So many new people will be turning up again, and parents will send their children to Hogwarts, safe in the knowledge that Voldemort no longer controls it. Yes. I think it's good. The Prince name deserves to live on. You have done many deeds, and though many of them were good, the Snape name will always be associated with Death Eaters. Prince, on the other hand, will be remembered for far better things. You deserve this chance to be free. I must admit that I don't think many would remember how the Prince family is related to Snape. However, Snape being part of the Prince family will explain any similarities in appearance if anyone asks. We have created a story that will not sound too suspicious."
Yes, that was what Severus hoped as well. He got up and grabbed a book from the shelves; it was one of his favourites and reading it always calmed him. Currently, he really needed to relax if he was going to get any sleep. Aberforth had said that they were to visit Adelaide as soon as possible, and that could mean that he might meet her tomorrow. Book in hand, he settled on the bed once more, trying to ignore thinking of all the things that he still needed to do to complete his disguise.
"So this is him?" Adelaide said.
"Yes, it is," Aberforth replied.
"Hello, cousin," Adelaide said with a shy grin. "You are looking rather younger than I expected you to."
"Didn't Aberforth tell you about..."Severus did not manage to finish the sentence.
"Of course he did, but hearing about something is quite different than seeing it," Adelaide said.
"Indeed it is, but you can't go around calling me that if we want this to work out," Severus said, a serious look in his eyes.
"I know. It's just that I'm glad to finally meet you. I mean Aberforth told me all these things about you, but I know we could not meet unless something changed. It would have not been safe, for either of us," Adelaide said seriously. A muffled rumble, coming from Aberforth's direction, broke the moment, and Adelaide returned to her motherly role. "Now you two must be hungry, let's go into the kitchen. I've made my special pie for you."
The men followed Adelaide into the quaint country kitchen, where they spent hours just talking. Aberforth and Adelaide told stories about Jocelyn to Severus, and in turn, Severus told things about himself to Adelaide. There were many things that they needed to settle after all, in case someone became curious about Severus' life. Adelaide showed Severus pictures of the man, whom they claimed to be his father. John and Adelaide had been engaged, but John had died in a car accident not long before they were to be married. It was clear to Severus that Adelaide had never moved on. It saddened him, but there was nothing he could do about it.
After their long discussion, they walked around the house, adding small details to make it look like Severus had lived there. The last thing they did was to decorate the spare bedroom to look like it was Severus' room. Thankfully they had retrieved some of Severus old things from the castle and his home so they did not have to buy or transfigure everything.
June was almost over and Severus had gotten used to working at the pub. The regulars of the Hog's Head had grown accustomed to his presence as well. Most of them happy that Aberforth had someone helping him during the busy hours. Sometimes though, some people who visited paid a lot of attention to him and not in any way that Aberforth or he would have anticipated. Apparently there was something about his appearance that appealed to them. Maybe it was something about the way he acted that created an aura of mystery around him, which in turn attracted people, or maybe it was just too many drinks of Aberforth's special brew that made him seem more attractive to people.
"Now, what have we here," a red-haired man queried as he sat down at the bar. "I don't think I've seen you before."
Severus looked up at the smiling face of Charlie Weasley. Interested, Snape contemplated his response. This might be the opportunity he had waited for, finally he had someone familiar to test out his disguise on and that someone was much more appealing than his former Death Eater associates. He opted for an introduction instead of his usual terse response to customers who tried to entice him.
"Kieran Prince, I just moved in with my godfather." Severus indicated a scowling Aberforth who was intently watching them.
"Charlie Weasley." Charlie offered his hand, his smile widening.
Severus hesitated before quickly shaking the offered hand.
"I've got work to do," Severus said.
"I'm sure you do," Charlie replied. "But what about later?"
Severus did not reply; instead he moved off to his next task, aware of Charlie's gaze following his every move. He smiled at Charlie, who persisted with his advances throughout the evening, flirting with him whenever he was within hearing range. When Severus had finished for the night, he allowed Charlie to buy him a drink. They moved to a booth and talked for a while before Severus led Charlie up to his rooms.
Severus wondered if he was going to be able to let himself appear carefree and open. It was a challenge most days, but with Charlie's amused eyes following him it became somewhat easier. His inhibitions had melted away and not just because of the alcohol running through his veins. When he opened the door to his rooms, he took a deep breath. This was it. He was really going to do this.
He turned around, facing Charlie, who took the opportunity to capture him in a heated kiss. He couldn't help letting out a moan of approval, but he was still coherent enough to pull Charlie fully into the room and slam the door shut. Charlie, it seemed, liked his aggressive moves and countered with a few of his own, pushing Severus onto the bed. Severus had to work on not suddenly become defensive. He was safe here. Weasley was an honest man and would not hurt him unless Severus specifically wanted him to, or so he had spied, earlier, during Order meetings. Legilimency had been a sure way to stay entertained during even the most boring of Order meetings.
He let himself relax as Charlie began trailing a track down his neck, opening Severus' robes as he went downwards. Severus would not let himself be the only one naked in the room, no way, so he tugged on Charlie's robes as well. After a few more minutes they had managed to strip each other. Severus felt his cock grow harder at the sight of Charlie's tanned muscular body. He closed his eyes for a moment, wanting to preserve the image. It had been a long time since he had been confronted with such a magnificent sight, and he had never had the opportunity to explore it in such a setting.
No, he had been forced to entertain himself with far less desirable people with repulsive personalities to match their bodies until he'd decided to stop doing it entirely. But those thoughts were very far away at the moment as he felt Charlie fingering his entrance. He reflected that he had not felt this alive in ages. That was his last coherent thought as he gave in to the passion. Charlie was the one who set him on fire, who brought him to life in a different way from Fawkes.
The summer spent working with Abe had changed his looks a lot already. As a teen, he hadn't been as muscled as he was now, and his pale skin was just that, pale, none of the sickly yellowish tint to it. And his teeth, he ran his tongue over them. He couldn't remember when he last could look at them without cringing a bit... Not that he had ever put that much thought to his appearance. But it felt good. He admitted that Aberforth had been right when it came to getting them fixed.
The summer had passed much more quickly than Severus would have believed it would. Next week he would return to Hogwarts, as a pupil. What a strange thought indeed. But, he did not care to think about that at the moment. He hummed contentedly as he cleaned the counter. He actually found his current work quite pleasing and even amusing at times. The Hog's Head might be a place where all the dregs of society got together, but that said nothing about the atmosphere of the place. It was comfortable. Occasionally, some of the patrons would even proposition him; he still remembered the first time that had happened...
"Well, well...What have we here? Has Aberforth hired a new worker? Let me have a look at you."
Severus had blushed furiously when he had noticed just who it was that was scrutinising his appearance, Percy Weasley. Mostly because he could not believe that Percy, the straight-laced prefect, was uttering those words. Only a warning glance from Aberforth stopped Percy from furthering his advances.
He'd quite thought that Percy would have gone even further with the getting to know each other, but it seemed that Percy knew not to test Aberforth's patience when it came to wooing his workers. Then he thought of Charlie, who was an entirely different story. He would never forget how good it had felt to have those blue eyes admiring him. With a shake of his head, he broke that thought. He'd better not think of him just now, or he would never get anything done.
It had been one night only, and he knew it would not have worked out in the long run. Charlie was too good for him, and Severus could not have continued deceiving him when it came to his identity. It would have been too dangerous to reveal his identity to a hot-tempered Weasley. He rather suspected he would never be forgiven for injuring George.
But, he reflected, there had been others. Others who had helped him rediscover the pleasures of the flesh. He remembered Charlie fondly, as he had been the first he had bedded in his new guise. He knew Aberforth did not approve of his dalliances, but he did not forbid him either. For Severus the summer had been a very liberating time. He had enjoyed his rejuvenated body that was not beat down by years of spying and the rush he had felt when he had gotten together with men who did not care or did not know who he was. The meetings were short in his room, in the pub after closing time or outside. No names exchanged, bodies thrusting together in a hurry. Encounters dominated by lust and need.
The only precaution Severus had taken was not to fumble around with anyone he knew from before, Charlie being the exception. He hardly had any need for fumbling around with any of his Death Eater acquaintances. One thing all the fooling around had proved to him, aside from the fact that he was a horny teenager again, was that no one had recognised him. Not Charlie, nor anyone else visiting the pub. It had been a very liberating time. He smirked when he remembered how Shacklebolt had winked at him. In that moment, he had been very tempted to announce his real identity just to see the shocked look on Shacklebolt's face, but he had refrained. It would not be wise to reveal himself to the Minister of Magic of all people. Thankfully Shacklebolt visited the Hog's Head rarely, and with that thought in mind, Severus headed downstairs, it was time to work.
It was the last night of August and the last night he would stay at the Hog's Head. Aberforth had let him have the evening free to pack. Severus snorted at the thought, as if Aberforth did not know that he had finished packing days ago after the arrival of the Hogwarts letter inviting Kieran Prince to attend the school. The letter was the final proof of his identity being firmly established; the Ministry had notified him earlier about passing the OWLs and being eligible to do his NEWTs at Hogwarts, but before he got his official Hogwarts letter, nothing had been certain. He smiled at the memory, Aberforth and he had celebrated their success that day and Severus had to admit that he was feeling slightly excited about returning to Hogwarts, now that he had everything he needed.
He had purchased a new wand, which felt good if a bit strange to use at first, early in the summer. He had practised using it whenever he had time, for he had to own up to his good OWL results. Thankfully, he had not had to study too hard to pass his OWLs because working as a teacher at Hogwarts for most of his life meant that he had not forgotten that much. He had always been a good student at everything except Transfiguration, but he had brushed up his Transfiguration skills during the years he had spent spying.
He stared at his trunk, which contained all the books, clothes and supplies he needed. He was ready to go, or was he really? There was more at stake than simply having the right things with him.
Starting tomorrow, he would be in an environment where no one knew who he had been. There would be no turning back. Snape stared at the mirror. This was it. There was no turning back. He was 17 once more. Starting tomorrow he would be Kieran Prince, exclusively, with no Aberforth around to talk to. Of course, the Hog's Head was not far away from Hogwarts, and Severus could visit him during the weekends, but it would not be the same. Kieran Prince was 17 years old and home-schooled. Severus shook his head; no, that would not do. He should not think of himself in the third person. Even though he still was a master in Legilimency and Occlumency, there was still a small chance that someone might take a peek inside, and it would certainly arouse suspicion if he did not think of himself as Kieran.
I am Kieran Prince, he repeated to himself, looking at the mirror.
No matter how strange it was to return as a student to Hogwarts, it was also comforting in one way. He had spent most of his life there, so it made sense that he would start over from there. He had to act the part of a student. He'd better not call Minerva or Filius by their names and...
How could he have forgotten? As he was dead to the world, someone else would be in charge of the Slytherins and teach Potions. Damn it, he groaned inwardly as he remembered Aberforth's mention about Slughorn being back.
Slughorn was one of the few people he did not want to have to deal with again. The first time around had been bad enough, and if he was sorted into Slytherin again, which was quite likely and to be honest, Severus belonged in that house, Slughorn would be his Head of House once more. Great, he did not even want to think about having to deal with the man in Potions class. The one thing he was glad about was that Aberforth had managed to get back all of his possessions from Hogwarts, away from Horace's slimy grasp.
Thankfully, the Prince family had been known for their Potions skills, so Severus would not be too hard pressed to keep from showing his talent in his favourite class. He really did want to shine in that class if for no other reason than to spite Horace. Slughorn would never be as good as he had been, or as good as he intended to be with no Death Eater shadow hanging over him.
He looked into the mirror and realised he was smiling, a genuine smile at that. Tomorrow it was show time, and he noted that he was becoming more and more comfortable with the story he and Aberforth had come up with. Appearing carefree was no longer just a chore. The summer had truly been unforgettable. Not only because the war was finally over, but because he had enjoyed living.
'I guess dying does change your outlook on life,' Severus thought as he walked to the window. "It makes you realise everything that you have missed. That you never had the chance to do.
This was not the first time he'd felt immensely grateful towards Aberforth, who had shown him the true value of friendship, And Fawkes. Wherever you are, Severus thought, I hope you are as happy as I am. Thank you for this chance to start over. It will not be easy, but I think it might just be worth all the effort. Though he had lost his name, he was still the same person as he had been in many ways. Losing the Snape was not a terrible loss, as he had never liked the Snape name that much. It reminded him of his father. As for his first name, well that one he admitted that he would miss, but he was willing to give it up in hope of getting a new life. It was an acceptable loss. As for the Prince name, this time around, he intended to make it something to be proud of. Not just a secret nickname. He had survived to get another chance, and while he might be a half-blood in some people's eyes, as far as he was concerned, he was a full-blooded wizard and proud of it.
He leaned out from the window, taking a deep breath of the fresh air and for one mad second he thought he heard a phoenix singing, but he dismissed the thought quickly; apparently he was more tired than he though.
Harry awoke gasping for breath. Something had startled him from his sleep. Maybe it was something in his dreams; he had had a lot of weird dreams of late. There was no more Voldemort and no more Dursleys. He hesitated to think about it when he was awake, afraid it would make it more real. Instead, he dreamt of kissing Neville. He gulped. And George. And Godric save him, even Ron. When he tried to imagine kissing Ginny, she sort of shifted...well, shifted into one of her brothers, if Harry was to be completely honest about it all.
He groaned. It was Charlie's fault really, wearing those tight leather pants for dinner and claiming he had a hot date later. Not even Molly's scolding and disapproving looks had made him go change his clothes or at least transfigure them into something more proper. The pants were really distracting because of the tears, there were several of them, and all of them were just in the right places, to show off Charlie's gorgeously toned legs. No, Harry. Mustn't go there. Or that sweetly shaped arse. Damn it. All these strange thoughts were playing havoc with his mind.
Then there was Ginny. She was constantly glancing at him, using every opportunity to touch him, and jealously glaring at anyone who dared to lay his or her hand on him. He hadn't really noticed it before, but now that he had spent a couple days at the Weasleys', it soon became abundantly clear to him that Ginny was an insanely jealous person. And to add to the problem, she was heads over heels in love with him.
Oh bollocks! What was he supposed to do now? How could he possibly stay at the Burrow when all he wanted was some time to think over things, and he certainly did not get a chance to think about it with Ginny hanging all over him.
This took him back to his original worry. He was, well, not completely sure about his sexuality anymore. What with all the strange dreams he had been having and the strong urge to pinch Charlie's bum and all. It couldn't be all heterosexual behaviour. Now could it? He shook his head, trying to clear away the weird thoughts that he had, but the memory of accidentally pressing against Charlie in the hallway remained vivid. He could almost feel the strange tingly sensations take hold of him again. Then he thought about the time when Ginny had slipped her hand inside his trousers; instead of excitement he had felt waves of anxiety pour through him. He remembered the embarrassment he had felt when he woke up with sticky pyjama bottoms and Ron staring at him like he had seen a ghost. He...was rather afraid he might have said something in his sleep. Oh gods, that was just one more reason why he could not possibly stay at the Weasleys'. He would never get to the bottom of this if he was surrounded by all these distractions.
And he was a teensy bit worried about how Ginny would react if he told her about his more recent thoughts. No, screw that, he was scared Ginny would commit fratricide if she so much as caught Charlie looking back at Harry.
Why, oh why couldn't life just be normal for a change? Of course, things were rather normal at the moment. The bloody war had ended. And well, that might actually be the reason why he had been overwhelmed by all kinds of new thoughts about himself and his future. He finally felt like he could in fact plan for his future. He had already killed Voldemort, so...now he ought to be free to do what he wanted. Do all the normal things people his age did, like figuring out what he wanted to become and whether he liked blokes or gals - or maybe both.
Perhaps, he thought, he was finally being normal after all. He was lying sleepless, worrying about his sexuality and not because he was trying to figure out how he could fight an evil dark lord. Normality is overrated, he thought, scowling to himself as he felt a headache building up. Now isn't that great, thinking actually hurts.
He must have slumbered off after that, because he awoke when someone was shaking his arms in an obvious attempt to awaken him.
"I'm awake, I'm awake," he muttered, groaning slightly and getting a tighter grip on his pillow.
"There was an owl for you," Molly said. "I'll leave the letter on the dresser. And hurry up! Everyone else has already had breakfast, even George."
Harry slowly got up and walked to the dresser. Sure enough there was a letter for him, but who on earth could it be from? The press still thought he was hiding at Hogwarts, and only a select few knew he was at the Burrow. Shrugging slightly, he decided to leave the letter for after breakfast. His stomach was growling, and he did not feel up to doing anything before he had eaten. He dressed himself and went downstairs. Trying to shake away the images from his dreams, he sure hoped that Charlie had already had breakfast.
Harry was sitting at the table. He had finished his breakfast long ago, but he hadn't left the room. Thoughts of dreams and the letter were occupying his mind, now that Molly had left him to it. He was thankful that she had had things she needed to attend to, otherwise she might still be here, nagging at him for one thing or another. She was worried about him; that's one thing he was certain of after seeing how she had behaved this morning. And that's how Ron found him, deep in thought, staring at the ceiling, eyes slightly off focus.
"What are you thinking of?" Ron asked as he walked into the kitchen.
"Oh, nothing," Harry replied, startled out of his thoughts. "Nothing at all."
"Sure mate, and I'm a pink Pygmy Puff," Ron replied sarcastically, but the concern showed on his face as he sat down at the table facing Harry.
"Mmhhh, yeah," Harry replied, distractedly turning his face downward. His thoughts still centred on his dreams, and he did not want to reveal anything to Ron. As if Ron suddenly could have mastered Legilimency. Ridiculous, but Ron had known him for so long that he did not want to take any risks.
"What's wrong with you? You've been acting odd the whole bloody week. In fact, you've been acting oddly since you got here."
Harry could not reply. He did not want to see the look of concern on Ron's face turn into one of disgust or disappointment if he chose to reveal what had been bothering him, particularly today. His dreams had become even stranger, and he found himself thinking of them all day long. And when his thoughts were not on the dream, his eyes wandered where they should not and his mind crafted images that became more and more vivid fantasies of what could be - of what he might want - of what he had denied. A part of him was waking up, and he was scared because he did not know where it would take him. He did not want to admit to Ron, of all people, what he had been considering for the past few days or weeks. He had come so close to dying and that, that was what had brought up the changes. He looked up at Ron who was still waiting for an answer, an answer that Harry could not bring himself to give.
"Just stuff, you know... So many things have changed," Harry replied vaguely.
"What things?" Ron pressed on.
"My life, school, the death of Voldemort... Need I say more?" Harry said with an uneasy shrug.
"No, I guess you don't have to. I know how you feel, it all sort of gets to you, and the thoughts overcrowd your mind: 'Did I make the right choices? Could I have helped?' I thought about all that after I...I left you and Hermione. I guess you never had the chance to think about it all. I'll leave you to it, then, but don't forget that you promised to play Quidditch with us in the afternoon," Ron said and got up, patting Harry on the shoulder before he left.
"I won't. And thanks!" Harry called after him, feeling a wave of gratitude towards Ron for understanding.
After Ron left, Harry spent a few more minutes in the kitchen, but he left as soon as he heard someone approaching the room. He had no wish to run into Molly right now. It had been hard enough to avoid giving her worrying answers at breakfast when she'd kept pestering him about his recent behaviour. She had even gone so far as to mention how he behaved around Ginny, how at unease he seemed to be in her presence. She did not need more things to worry about, with George acting withdrawn and moody, but he knew she worried about him anyway.
Then he'd had a talk with Ron, and damn it, he'd had to be so cautious when Ron questioned him about his recent behaviour. He could not even tell his best friend what was going on. Staying at the Burrow was getting more stressful as days went by, and there was no sign of improvement. The mystery letter was a welcome distraction, and he was glad he had saved opening it until now.
Harry sat down on the bed, ripping the letter open. Quickly he scanned trough the writing. It was from Andromeda. She was asking if he would like to spend some time with his godson and that he was welcome to stay if he wanted to. The offer could not have come at a better time. Now he had a good reason to leave, a reason that would let him leave without hurting too many people's feelings.
But then again, how well did he and Andromeda get along? They barely knew each other if he really thought about it, and they had only met at the worst times you could imagine. How could he live with someone who had lost everything to the war: her husband and daughter? It wasn't that he had not experienced losses, but his were different, were they not? He had not lost a lover or child. Could he live with her, especially when he felt guilty for costing little Teddy his parents?
Rationally he knew that Remus and Tonks had made their own choices about fighting, but that did not stop him from feeling guilty. He needed to think about it. It was not that he did not want to visit Teddy, but rather the jump into the unknown that worried him. Both Andromeda and her home were unfamiliar to him, and his brief visits had not made him feel at ease with either of them. Which was rather understandable, considering the strenuous circumstances: first he had been fleeing from Death Eaters and the second time he had visited was during Tonks' funeral.
Harry had made his decision, and Ginny was the first one he decided to talk with, as he did not want her to hear it from anyone other than him. First he had to tell her that he did not want to continue their relationship; telling her that he was leaving would be much easier to tackle after that, or so he thought.
"Gin, it's not going to work. I can't be what you want- I just can't forget. My life has changed so much, I am not the same person as I was before," Harry said, thinking of his dreams.
"Neither am I," Ginny said icily but there were tears in her eyes. "And please don't say it's because I don't understand, because I certainly understand that..."
"But that's it. Ginny, you don't."
"But you won't let me," Ginny said with an edge of hysteria in her voice. "You won't let me understand you-"
"No," Harry replied, shaking his head sadly. He didn't know what to say to her that would not hurt her. He'd had enough of hurting others, as it were. "No, not now, I can't...It's not just you. So many things have changed in my life and I... I don't know what or who I am. And I need to find out, on my own. And-"
"There's more?" Ginny interrupted, clearly upset.
"And I don't think I should stay here for the summer. As much as I love the Burrow, it simply won't work out."
"Where are you going, then? Not the Dursleys'?" Ginny said with horror in her voice.
"No, definitely not," Harry said with a scowl. "I'm through with them."
"So where are you going, then?"
"To my godson. Andromeda wrote to me, asking if I would like to spend some time at her house, and I think it's for the best if I went there. Teddy is my godson, the last link to the Marauders. I want to know him. I want him to know me. I want him to have more than just pictures or stories of me. For Merlin's sake, Ginny, I survived! I bloody survived. Even though I thought it to be impossible, I'm still here, and I want to be there for him when he grows up."
What could Ginny reply to that, she loved her family, and she knew how much family meant to Harry. What right had she to stop him from going?
"Is it true?" Ron asked, his voice rising at an alarming rate.
"What?" Harry replied in turn, surprised by Ron's sudden hostility.
"That you're leaving?" Ron added.
Ah, now Harry understood. Ginny must have told Ron about his plans. Great, bloody great, now what would he say before Ron exploded. Thinking feverishly, he decided to go for the truth. Not the whole truth but the part that he was willing to share at the moment.
"Yeah, it's true," Harry said quietly. "I was going to tell you lot tonight, but she got to you first, it seems."
Ron calmed down a bit when he noticed that Harry wasn't shouting back at him. In fact, he startled at the quiet tone and Harry's submissive stance. "Did something happen, mate?" he asked, worried.
Harry chuckled darkly, "The war did."
"But...how...When...I thought... Why leave now?" Ron finally settled for asking.
"It just feels right. Besides, there are some things I need to do by myself, and I got an offer which suited me."
"An offer?" Ron asked, sounding a bit affronted, clearly thinking about who Harry could possibly choose over him and his family.
"Andromeda," Harry said with a sad smile.
And that was enough of an explanation for now; at least he hoped it was. He really didn't want Ron to start digging for more reasons. Not that it was Ron that he needed to worry about. Hermione was far worse, but thankfully she was away - far away in Australia, otherwise he might have had a tough time avoiding her tonight. She was the one person he did not want to explain himself to again, because she had a tendency to see straight through him at times, no matter how hard he tried to hide the truth. Decision made, he went upstairs to his room to pack the last of his stuff. Originally he had planned to leave tomorrow morning, but now it seemed it was best if he left after dinner.
"Harry?" Andromeda said, surprise evident in her voice.
"Sorry I didn't reply to your owl. Everything happened so suddenly. Were you serious about your offer? Can I stay here?" Harry asked, nervously peering around, realising that he really should have replied to Andromeda's owl instead of just appearing on her doorstep.
"Of course you can. Come in," Andromeda said gently, leading him inside. "I meant every word in that letter. You are Teddy's godfather; you're part of the family now. Of course Sirius was your godfather, so in a way you were already part of the family. I adored him, you know, despite everything or perhaps because of everything." She finished with a faraway look in her eyes.
They walked into the sitting room to discuss the living arrangements.
Harry couldn't help but remember everything that had happened last time he had come here. Chaos. Loss. Pain. Fear. It all struck him when he was alone in the room that Andromeda had prepared for him. There was nothing here that would ward off the memories here, just darkness. He closed his eyes, but sleep would not come. Carefully he tiptoed out of the room, sneaking down the hall, cracking open the door to the nursery and peering inside. He watched as Teddy slept peacefully and held his breath until he had reassured himself that Teddy was breathing.
After standing in the doorway until his feet were freezing, he reluctantly returned to his room. He curled deeper into the strange bed. It felt odd to have the room to himself. At the Weasleys', he never had any time alone. The concept of lone time was not too popular at the Weasleys', well, with the exception of George, who had taken to secluding himself from the family. The rest of the family accepted and honoured his need to mourn the loss of his twin in private. However that consideration did not extend to Harry. They found him wherever he hid and incessantly prodded until his self-control thinned to the breaking point and he ended up snapping at everyone. That, of course, only led to the cycle staring over again.
Now though, Harry thought he might have found a place where he actually could hear himself think, and Andromeda didn't seem the type who would prod at him constantly.
Harry cuddled the baby close to him. Teddy felt so warm — so alive. He felt bitter tears fall down his cheeks. Damn it. How could Remus have even thought of leaving this behind? A child? His child? And now he was gone just like Tonks. Tonks, whom he had not been that close to but had been fond of, she had been a very likeable person. It was so hard to understand that she was gone. She had been so energetic, so full of life.
He looked into the soft brown eyes of Teddy and felt reassured that he had made the right choice. This was where he ought to be now. Granted, he was only the godfather, but he did not want his only fellow Marauder to live a life that in any way resembled his. Teddy deserved to know him, him and everyone else who never got a chance to hold and to know Teddy. Harry would tell him the stories he knew about Remus and Tonks; he would share his memories with Teddy.
Andromeda peeked into Teddy's room. She had seen that the light was on, and wanted to see how Harry was dealing with Teddy. She had shown him all the most important things when it came to baby-care, and while he seemed to have absorbed the knowledge quickly, she still wanted to be completely sure. Her heart clenched painfully when she saw that Harry was the one shedding the tears while Teddy lay calmly in his arms.
She hoped she had done the right thing by offering him a place to stay. She had never expected the interest he had for taking care of Teddy, but then again, she had hardly known that much about Harry, had she? She had heard stories, of course, of Harry's past, but she never really thought about them. But all the observations she'd made during Harry's first week confirmed many things. She knew that she had not only gained a baby-sitter for Teddy but another child, for Harry was, despite all he'd gone through, still a child in some ways. He was a person who needed love but did not know how and where to get it.
Andromeda finally decided that it was time for her to talk to Harry. When she entered the room, she was faced with the familiar site of Harry's teary eyes. She gently took Teddy from Harry's arms, and put him into the crib. She then turned to face Harry. Gently, she brushed away the tears from Harry's cheek.
"Do you want to talk?" she whispered.
"Not really, at least not here," Harry murmured.
Andromeda nodded in agreement. Setting the monitoring spell on the crib before leaving the room, she motioned Harry to follow her. She bustled around the kitchen, making them some tea, and then she settled down beside him. They began talking. They talked about Nymphadora, Remus and Teddy. They talked about the war and that got them to the bottom of the matter.
"It's not that I don't want to live. It's just, now that the war is over, I don't how... I don't know what I want, Andromeda."
"Why don't you invite that Weasley girl over, maybe she can make you feel more alive..."
"I...I don't think that's a good idea," Harry admitted.
"Ah, how silly of me, I just assumed that..." Andromeda trailed off.
"No, it's okay. I guess I should have said something about it, earlier."
"You don't have to do anything, Harry," Andromeda said with a kind smile. "Isn't that why you came here? Wanting to get away from everyone who knows you well?"
"I guess so. I just thought that telling you the true reason for leaving the Weasleys'...Well it would have been an insult to you, wouldn't it?"
"Harry, Harry... I'm old enough to hear the truth. There's no need to sugar-coat it, and I hardly think there's anything you can do to seriously upset me. I grew up in the Black Household and trust me, I've seen it all. What matters to me is that you chose to come here of your own free will, and I think you've been a great help. It has been easier when I have someone else around the house other than Teddy. Since you came here, it has felt a lot less empty than before."
"Thanks. Hearing you say that...it means a lot to me," Harry said solemnly.
"So... what happened with Ginevra?" Andromeda said teasingly, wanting to lighten up the mood a bit.
"Well..." Harry said with a rare glint of humour in his eyes, "one day I realised that Charlie appealed to me more than she did. It's not just the fact that Charlie is a guy and Ginny is a girl; it's the way they behave. They are polar opposites. And well, one day I realised I had to get out of the Burrow. I didn't know what to say to Ginny, who kept trying to get closer to me even if I tried to tell her no and I didn't want to hurt her. I couldn't deal with running into Charlie on an everyday basis. Basically I was...and I guess I still am confused about what I want," Harry finished.
"Well, being confused is quite usual. Did you tell her what you were feeling?"
"She would have hexed me to smithers, if I had said anything about Charlie. I'm not stupid, you know," Harry said with a chuckle.
"Could have fooled me," Andromeda said with a giggle.
Soon they were both laughing, and Harry realised this was the first time he and Andromeda had really talked. And the first time they had laughed together like none of the horrible things had happened. Eventually Andromeda stopped laughing, and she turned to him again.
"You know, there's a great place around the corner which I am sure you'd enjoy visiting, considering your recent revelation and obsession with Dragon Handlers," Andromeda said with a wink. "And I will leave you with that suggestion because now I think it's time for grandmas to go to bed. Goodnight, Harry."
"Goodnight, Andromeda."
Harry sat in the kitchen a long while, just staring at the flames flickering in the fireplace. It felt strangely calming after all that happened during the evening. The relief he had felt when he had finally told someone about how he had been feeling felt good, but what felt even better was that Andromeda hadn't flinched or gone ballistic when he'd revealed how he was feeling. He'd been worried, remembering Andromeda's reaction to Remus, the werewolf, being together with her precious daughter. What would she think of him then? Maybe, he thought with a small smile, maybe I should take her advice. And go out. Live a little. It couldn't be too hard, could it?
Harry grumbled. It had been a week since his heart to heart with Andromeda. Since then things had...well, changed. Andromeda had not let him be anymore. Instead, she had spent time dropping broad hints to Harry about going out, telling him to live a little and not stay locked in with a granny and a baby. Damn it, she had no right. No right to judge his behaviour or to nag at him. For Merlin's sake, shouldn't she just be happy that he had been so helpful when it came to Teddy and taking care of the house? And now, she just insisted that he should get out. Hmph. He didn't want to get out. He didn't want to be recognised. Of course when he'd said that to Andromeda she had just scoffed and told him to visit some Muggle places instead. Going as far as recommending some places, she would not take no for an answer. Harry swore she had winked at him when she told him to first visit the "Dragon's Lair" and gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. Well, he thought, soon I'll find out what exactly she has in mind for me.
After a short walk, he had arrived at his first destination, which was a popular nightclub, or at least it seemed to be very popular if you judged by the number of people standing outside of it and queuing to get in. He peered more closely. They were all men. Interesting, so that's why Andromeda had winked at him. Maybe he should visit it. He had to admit that he was feeling very curious about it all. What harm could there be if he went inside? He judged the odds of running into someone familiar very slim.
Determined, he dug into his pockets for something he could transfigure into an ID for himself. He found a scrap of paper that was perfect. After a couple wand waves, he was all set to go. Of course, he thought as he approached the queue, he wasn't that sure if he was wearing the right kind of clothing. He felt a bit like the Muggle in midst of the wizards when he looked around. He was the only one wearing plain jeans and a t-shirt, and he was starting to feel a bit self-conscious, like everyone was watching him. Of course that couldn't be, right? He took a deep breath and tried to look more self-confident than he really felt.
The bouncer checked his ID and peered at him suspiciously, and he kept chanting inside his head: if I could defeat Voldemort then I can certainly get into this club. Finally, he got in. The music hit him like a shock wave, and the visual chaos disoriented him and he felt like he had drunk one of Neville's disastrous potions. He blinked several times, not quite believing what he was seeing. There were so many of them. And wow, there was a totally hot couple doing some heavy snogging and grinding and groaning by the looks of it.
He was even more shocked when someone approached, someone who looked the spitting image of Draco Malfoy, well except for the clothes, which were quite unlike Malfoy's usual stuff.
"Well hello there, a new one has arrived. Tell me, how do you like it?"
Harry did not manage to squeeze out a reply.
"Ah, you are overwhelmed by my mere presence. I'm Josh by the way."
"Umm...actually you just look like someone I know."
"Oh." Josh waggled his eyes suggestively. "A special friend?"
"Actually, he tried to kill me," Harry said and turned way. "Excuse me," he added and went in the direction of the bar, leaving a stunned Josh behind. He berated himself as he walked. What on earth had made him say that to Josh? What a great start to his first night out.
He had a couple drinks at the bar, which did nothing to clear out the confusion and chaos bubbling inside of him. Everything was so new, so strange. Yet, he knew that he had found something that he had missed out on before. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another guy who seemed to be as overwhelmed as he was. They locked eyes on each other, and as if by mutual decision they approached each other.
"Hey," Harry said for lack of better things to say. It looked like the other guy wasn't that much more confident. The guy looked to be about his age, Harry thought as he took in his appearance.
"Hey yourself. First time here?"
"Obviously."
"Yeah, the first time I got in as well, damn bouncers."
Harry joined in, laughing with him.
"I'm Sam by the way."
"I'm Harry."
"So do you want to, I don't know, umm, dance with me?"
"Actually, I'm not much of dancer, but I might as well try it out."
"Me neither, but it doesn't look that hard."
"Well come on then... Let's brave the dance floor," Sam said with an ear-splitting grin as he swaggered off towards the mass of writhing bodies. Harry soon followed him. He did not want to lose sight of his new acquaintance.
Harry was just drinking some tea when Andromeda entered the kitchen. She was startled at first, not expecting to stumble upon him this early in the morning, but judging by the looks of Harry, who was grinning tiredly at her and he still wore yesterday's clothes, he had just got back.
"Well, how was it?" Andromeda asked with a satisfied smile. It was quite obvious Harry had enjoyed his night on the town.
"Brilliant!" Harry enthused. "I don't know how to thank you! I met this guy called Sam, and he was visiting the club for the first time. He had a faked ID as well. We had a lot of fun. And, it was so amazing to be with someone like him. He had no idea of who I was and what I had been through. For the first time in a long while, I felt okay. Better than okay, really, to be honest." Harry paused for a moment before continuing with a genuine smile, "Maybe there is hope for me."
"You're welcome, but really, Harry, there is no need for thanks. You have already given me so much, helping with Teddy and you just being here. Well, the house doesn't feel so empty. You've been great company."
Harry gave Andromeda a brilliant grin in return and gulped down the rest of his tea. He then headed for the door. "I'm going to check on Teddy, and then I am going to take a nap. It was a long night."
"You do that," Andromeda said. And when she was left alone in the kitchen, she noticed how brightly the sun was shining, pouring light in through the windows. For the first time in a long while, she embraced the warmth of the sun and the bright colours surrounding her. It was as if Harry's radiant smile had broken through a curse that had kept her world dark ever since that day when it had all come crashing down - the fall of Voldemort. That day had come at a high cost to her. She thought she had lost enough when Ted died, but apparently, the fates had not agreed with her and stolen her grandson's parents away as well.
After that day, she had only concerned herself with taking care of Teddy. The house had been gradually gathering dust and she could not find the energy to even wave her wand to clear away the mess until Harry's arrival. Harry had not mentioned anything about the untidiness; he just called for Kreacher who took over the cleaning duties. Andromeda had no idea what Harry might have said to Kreacher, because unlike before, she heard no mutterings from him nor did he harass her in any other way. It was a welcome change.
Life would go on. She had learned that lesson a long time ago when she ran away from her family. Life would go on no matter what happened. She had lived through two wars, she had loved and lost, and she had had it all, but now she had to face the reality. She was alive. Ted, Remus and Dora weren't, and Teddy needed a parent. And maybe, maybe there were still things out there for her to discover. Gradually a genuine smile graced her face as she looked out from the window.
"Mr. Potter,
It is my greatest pleasure to announce that you have been chosen to be one the Ministry's new Auror recruits. You have shown your worthiness and talents in the long battle against the forces of the Dark Lord Voldemort. Many of your fellow comrades have also shown their worth and will also receive an invitation. We hope you will accept our offer and join our efforts in guarding the wizarding world and maintaining peace.
We expect your reply before the 1st of August.
Kingsley Shacklebolt,
Minister of Magic
He crumpled the piece of paper in his hands. Kingsley Shacklebolt, Minister of Magic, wanted him to come and help round up the last Death Eaters. Had he not done enough? Sacrificed enough? Was he ever going to be free to do what he wanted to? I've had enough trouble for a lifetime. Hadn't he not said that clearly enough after the battle? When will it end? When would he have peace for himself?
He wanted a quiet life, for once, with nothing he had to do. Other people might have thought it strange, but he liked his silence. He had chosen it, hadn't he? And if he wanted to be among people and noises, he could spend the day playing with Teddy and Andromeda- or perhaps venture out and visit some of his friends, that is if he chose to.
Before taking Andromeda's advice and meeting Sam, he had chosen to remain at the house, but now he'd rather spend his time hanging around the town, at Sam's house, or occasionally at Andromeda's. He and Sam never returned to the club where they had met, but visited other places in town. Harry learned many things during those weeks, things he had not even known he wanted to know.
Harry sighed. Summer was over, and despite everything that had happened, he supposed that it was the best he had experienced so far, despite being weighed down by all that he had lost. He really tried to focus on what he had saved and what he had gained, but it was hard, especially when he saw the sad look in Andromeda's eyes or felt the lingering sadness that permeated the Weasley household. Or worse yet, when he gazed into baby Teddy's eyes. That reminded him of all that he had lost. Everything that Teddy had lost.
He walked to the window, opened it, letting in the late summer breeze. He took a deep breath and then another. Tomorrow, tomorrow he would return to Hogwarts, leaving little Teddy behind with promises to visit. Maybe he could arrange something with the Headmistress. He did not want to just disappear from Teddy's life. He knew he was already firmly imprinted in Teddy's memory, just like Andromeda was, and he did not want to lose that connection.
It will be strange, he reflected, to return to Hogwarts without Ron, who had taken up Kingsley's offer. Hermione was coming, but it was not the same. There would be no more Golden Trio, and every one of them had changed. Of course, considering what they had all experienced, change was inevitable. They were not the same people that they had been before the war had escalated.
A tiny smile graced his face when he thought of Sam. Sam, who had made him feel so good and who had made him realise that he should not linger on everything bad that had happened, who had encouraged him to enjoy the fact that he was alive now. Of course, Sam had no idea of what exactly Harry had been through, but that was perhaps the best thing with him. Sam had no preconceived notions about Harry, not the usual ones at least, that required Harry to be strong no matter what happened. With Sam, he allowed himself to show a part of himself that he had rarely shown, and that was why it had been so great.
Now, a fond smile graced his face as he stared out from the window. His gaze grew unfocused as he thought of yesterday when he had said goodbye to Sam. It had been a fond farewell. They had both known when they started their relationship that they would part ways at the end of summer. Harry would go his way and Sam another. So, they had both set out to make the best out of the time that they had, exploring each other physically, enjoying the thrill of almost being caught by someone when they were at it, and searching for thrills like any pair of average teenagers, doing slightly illegal things. It had been a blast.
"So, how was your summer, Harry? I can't believe we haven't seen each other since spring," Hermione said with a smile, thinking back to her summer, she had had a good time. After the war ended, she had spent a couple of weeks in Australia with her parents before getting back to the UK, where she had spent her time at the Weasleys' when she wasn't working. She had got a part time job at the Ministry archives, as an assistant for the Ministry archivists. It had been a challenging task, sorting out the archives and trying to set right all the records of the past few years that had been manipulated by Death Eaters and sympathisers, but she had loved every minute of it.
"I know. It's amazing how quickly the time has gone by, I mean I can still remember that night like it was yesterday. My summer's been great, you probably heard from the Weasleys that I left after a couple of weeks to stay with Andromeda. I spent a lot of time with Teddy. But the best part was that I finally got time for myself, you know how crowded it can get at the Weasleys'? After some time, Andromeda told me to get out and live! And thanks to her, I met this wonderful person who really did change my summer for the better. I finally got to live, really live. Free of all expectations. It was fantastic, despite everything that I've been through. I mean the memories are still there, but for the first time I didn't have to worry about fighting him when I returned to the wizarding world. Ah, I talk too much... So how was your summer? I'm sorry I didn't reply to all of your owls..." Harry trailed off.
"It's okay, I understand and Ron talked to me about it. Told me to not nag at you... Can you believe that?" Hermione said with an incredulous smile. "He's grown up a lot," she continued with a dreamy smile. "My summer was great. I think I might set out to work at the Ministry after all. I want to be part of it; I want to change things, you know. And no, it's just not about the house-elves or Muggle-borns; there's so much more to it," Hermione said, her eyes shining with excitement.
"That's great to hear... So how are things going with Ron?"
"Great, I think we are closer than before. I don't think anyone else would understand what I've been through, but he does because he was part of it. It's been amazing. Of course. he's been busy as well after he agreed to Kingsley's offer, but we managed to go on a weeklong vacation to Brighton. So, no summer romances for me...I'm content with whom I am with now," Hermione said with a wink. "Care to expand on the subject of your summer romance? Ginny was pretty upset with you leaving, I don't know how she will react if she hears about your summer adventures. What happened with you two anyway? Last I heard you were together and now you're not."
"It's complicated", Harry started off. "But you remember how Ron got mad at me during the wedding. I realised I didn't know what I felt for her, and I couldn't just go on pretending that things were okay when clearly they weren't. So, I told Ginny off and left to stay with Andromeda. It would have been too awkward to stay after that."
"There's something you're not telling me," Hermione said with a sharp look in her eyes.
"Of course there is." Seeing that Hermione was about to protest Harry quickly continued, "But you have to understand, Hermione, that I won't tell you everything. Not yet anyway. Just like I don't expect nor want to hear everything that goes on between you and Ron. Do you understand?"
"Yes. But what about that summer romance, then?"
"Oh, it was great. We both knew it wouldn't last, but we made the best of what time we had. And do you know what was the best with it?"
Hermione shook her head no.
"Being with someone who didn't know who I was and who didn't expect certain things from me. I got to be myself with no worries of appearing too weak for a hero," Harry paused. A smile flickered across his face before he continued, "It was amazing."
Hermione smiled. She had never seen Harry this happy. One thing that puzzled her though was Harry's apparent dropping of pronouns, but she decided now was not the time to ask him about it, as she was pretty certain that she knew the reason anyway. Instead she decided to change the topic.
"So have you figured out what you want to do?"
"Nope. But I am here, am I not? Unlike Ron, he wasn't the only one who got the letter, you know," Harry replied teasingly.
"I know."
"You would," Harry said with smile.
"Ah, stop teasing me," Hermione said, trying to look affronted, but she was smiling too widely. "So you don't know, then?"
"Nope, all I know is that I want to be part of Teddy's life, and to be free to do whatever I want. I don't want to become a poster boy for the Ministry or work as an Auror. I fought for freedom, and I intend to enjoy it," Harry finished determinedly.
"You're absolutely right, of course. And I hope you figure out what you want. You can't be living on your parents' savings forever, you know," she said teasingly. They both laughed at that and for a time it was just like before everything had happened, except that Ron wasn't there to laugh with them. Things had changed, hopefully for the better. Hermione and Harry spent the rest of the train ride sharing more stories about their respective summers.
"Who's that?" Harry pointed at the hawk-nosed teen standing beside McGonagall.
"Probably another transfer student or one of the home-schooled ones. I never realised that Voldemort had kept so many people away from Hogwarts," Hermione replied.
"Neither had I," Harry agreed. "He looks familiar... Can't remember where I've seen him."
"Kieran Prince," McGonagall's voice floated past them.
"Well there's your answer," Hermione said calmly. "He must be a distant relative of Professor Snape."
"Yeah, I guess so." Harry said but gave the new boy a suspicious glare. The war was over, but that did not mean that he would stop being vigilant. Inside he shuddered at his thoughts, hoping that he would not become like Moody. The man had been a great Auror, but his tendency for extreme paranoia was not something Harry wanted to inherit.
"Slytherin!" the hat shouted out after a long moment.
Kieran rose from the chair and headed to the Slytherin table. It had been a long time since he had last sat there, and it would be even stranger to return to the Slytherin dorms in the dungeon instead of his private rooms. Strange but he would have to manage. He would have to act like he did not know where everything was.
He seated himself beside one of the new first-years. Close enough to one of the perfects to overhear their conversation. It was almost bizarre to see Draco Malfoy stare at him with a curious glint in his eyes. Inwardly he sighed; tonight would be difficult, and he had to make sure that the Slytherins believed his story.
Of course, he knew his Slytherins and how to manipulate them into believing, but he did not really feel like playing the role of a master manipulator anymore. He let his mind take him back to summer and Charlie Weasley. It had been much easier to appear carefree around him, much easier. Of course, that might have been because he had the right incentive, but there were other things such as Charlie was older than the students around him currently. Despite the fact that he looked to be the same age as the students surrounding him, he still knew that he was not that young. He had seen too much. But then, so had many of the older ones. They had been part of the war just as he had been, and they too had seen things that they never should have.
Perhaps, he thought, perhaps it will work out in the end. He lifted his eyes and looked around the hall because he felt someone gazing at him. He turned his head and met the suspicious glare of one Harry Potter. He let himself appear surprised at the hostile gaze that was aimed at him. It worked wonders, and Harry lowered his eyes as if ashamed to have been caught staring.
Kieran felt a nervous pinch in his stomach. Had he done something wrong? Did Harry know something? Or was he just forever destined to be hated by the Potters? All thoughts of fitting in with the Slytherins faded as his concern about Potter grew. He knew he might be overreacting to Potter's glare, but he would rather be safe than sorry. Who knew if Albus had managed to reveal something to Harry despite the spells Aberforth had placed on his portrait?
Kieran picked at his food, and when it was time to leave the hall, he felt relieved. He had not been able to truly relax after seeing that look on Potter's face. The years of spying had left him wary of letting his guard down when he felt something was threatening him. He would feel better once he got into the dungeons. There would be little risk of running into Potter down there.
"Harry!"
Harry turned around at the sound of his name. The corridor was empty. What was going on? Then he heard his name being called again and that was when he remembered he was in Hogwarts. He searched the portraits for whoever had called him. It did not take him long to find out who had been calling for him. It was Albus.
"Professor?" he asked, puzzled. "Is something wrong? You look worried."
"No, my boy, I just wanted to see if you were doing all right. I know it's different to be back in school after last year's events." Harry nodded in assent, still wondering what Albus was aiming at. "You have noticed we have many new students this year and...well, I want you to stay on your guard. Some may not be what they appear to be."
"What do you mean?"
"I've already said enough. Just be careful," Albus said and disappeared from the portrait.
"Professor!" Harry let out a frustrated sigh. Great, just great. This was just what he needed, a cryptic warning from Albus on his first day back. But then again, when had he ever had a normal school year? This year the amount of staring he had got as he sat at the Gryffindor table was more than before. And it was not just the new students, but those who had fought beside him that stared at him. Some looked at him in admiration, while others glared with a hint of jealousy as if they wanted to be in his shoes. If only they knew, Harry thought tiredly, if only they knew all that I've gone through, they would never want to be me.
His good mood from before had completely disappeared, as if the stares and Albus' cryptic warning had brought it all back. All the pain and anger that he had felt during the summer seemed to come back. He had only had a temporary break from it all. Maybe he shouldn't have come back. Maybe he should have run away with Sam like they had joked that last night.
"You know we could just go," Sam said dreamily, his eyes closed as he lay beside Harry on the bed.
"Go where?" Harry asked, ruffling Sam's hair.
"Anywhere, away from it all."
"You don't want to get back, then."
"No, I don't want to get back. How can I get back to being who I was then now that I have seen what more there is to life? I just can't keep pretending anymore. But, my dad wouldn't approve. He wasn't going to let me stay with my mother this summer, but I'm old enough to choose where I want to be. Unfortunately, my mum can't afford to pay for my schooling. My dad is paying for that, and that's why I have to go back. My mum doesn't want me to be like her. She wants me to become something more, wants me to have a good education and..."
"What do you want?" Harry asked quietly.
"I don't know. I guess I do want to go to school. But I just wish that I didn't have to go back to living with Dad. I mean he's okay otherwise, but he... is very old-fashioned when it comes to some things, and I don't think I even want him to know about me..."
"I understand," Harry said. Thinking of Ron and the Weasleys, could he tell them? Tell them about his summer and Sam.
"But hey, let's not get too gloomy. It's our last night together. So where would you run away to?"
"I don't know. As far away from here as possible," Harry said, and they both burst out laughing.
"I was being serious..." Sam said, pouting a little.
"I know," Harry said and kissed Sam. "I guess it doesn't matter where we would go as long as we would run away together."
"Aww... You're turning sappy. I liked you better when you were all angsty and dramatic."
"Shut up."
"Make me!"
And what followed was a wild pillow fight that ended with a heavy make-out session that left them both gasping for breath.
It had been a good night, Harry reflected. Both of them had managed to forget their worries even if it was just for a little while. He checked his watch and realised that he should have gone back to Gryffindor Tower over an hour ago. Hermione would not be happy. She was head girl, and Harry had promised to help her with answering all the questions that the first-years and new students certainly would have for them.
Kieran looked around him. It was strange to be back. So many years had passed since his time in the Slytherin dorms. Already he expected to run into people who had left the dorms years ago. He worried that the ghosts from his past would not let him be, and he did not need any more things to make him worry about his position in the Slytherin house. He had to make sure no one managed to walk in on him or surprise him, for he knew his reaction would not be pleasant. There were some reflexes that his stay at the Hog's Head had not managed to cure him of.
Tired, he lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. It had been a long day, and he was already worrying about how he would manage the next few days. Maybe he shouldn't have come here. He could have stayed with Aberforth, who needed a good worker, and Kieran knew that he had been a great help during the summer. Why did he need to start over here? He could have...no, he knew his love for potions and spells would eventually have become stronger and stronger and he would not have been content with working at the Hog's Head.
He had to take this chance. Maybe this time when got his NEWTs he really would be free to do whatever he wanted, go wherever he wanted. Aberforth would not stop him nor would anyone else unless the Ministry got word of him. Then he would have to flee. He had not told Aberforth about his escape plan because he did not want the man to get in any more trouble for helping him. Aberforth had become a closer friend to him than Albus had, despite all the years they had worked together.
Eventually, Kieran fell asleep and did not stir when the rest of the seventh years entered the room.
Draco Malfoy stared at the new boy in the dorm, sleeping peacefully, and at that moment he envied him. The boy had been in hiding during the war, hadn't he? He had no doubt never had to witness what Draco had. The things Draco had seen made his sleep uneasy and caused him to sometimes wake up screaming. Draco threw a Silencing Charm around his bed before settling in, hoping that he would get some sleep. But sleep kept evading him and his thoughts turned once again to the new boy in his dorm. He was the only student, excluding the first years, to be sorted into Slytherin. All the other transfer or home-schooled students had been sorted into the other three houses. Why had he been the exception? And why had he not looked worried when he was sorted into Slytherin? All the new first years had looked worried when the hat shouted out, "Slytherin." The war was too fresh in their minds. It was wrong, Draco thought, that the young ones had to fear and worry. Something had to be done about it. What, he did not know, but he knew he had to do something. There was no excuse for his behaviour, and he knew it coloured the way people looked at Slytherins.
The first weeks passed quickly. Harry spent half his time following Kieran around, very discreetly, or so he thought at least. Hermione had scoffed at his suspicions, and he believed she thought he had become overly paranoid. She told him several times to stop following Kieran around, telling him that he would get in trouble for it. It was not like Harry's behaviour had gone unnoticed so far, though only Hermione had questioned him.
Harry knew he was behaving a lot differently from his usual self, and he had a hard time settling in the classroom. After last year's adventure, he thought he would relish the fact that he was no longer in constant danger. But perhaps that was just it, he was missing the feeling of danger and that made him restless and the excess energy had to go somewhere. So that meant he would spend most of his free time stalking after the mystery Slytherin, as he had privately dubbed him. Okay, maybe he was not strictly following him around just because of his newfound paranoia. He had to admit, only to himself, mind you, that he rather liked looking at Kieran Prince.
There was something about the other boy that drew his attention to him. Even if he had promised Hermione to lay off the spying for a moment, he could not stop looking. Hermione had half humorously and half worriedly told him that she had not expected him to turn into a stalker. Nobody else had commented on his strange occupation, except for Seamus who had winked at him and wished him good luck. He had wanted to ask him, "With what?" but he decided it was better not to bring it up anymore. And he had taken great care to remember to cast a silencing ward around his bed. He did not want a repeat of last summer's events, especially considering the fact that his dreams still were quite weird sometimes.
Like last night, when he had again dreamt that he was being chased by pink poodles going 'hem hem'. Then suddenly the poodles had disappeared and Kingsley Shacklebolt had appeared before him. With a grave look on his face, the man had declared him to be sentenced to serve as an Auror for the rest of his life and that among his duties was the task of keeping Umbridge on the right track. The bizarre dream got even worse, considering that he woke up mere moments after being propositioned by a centaur, who looked remarkably like Firenze.
One day Kieran had had enough of his stalker, and he decided to confront the Potter boy, who had been acting like his shadow since school started. He had to wonder if the boy had gotten any studying done with the way he had been following him. Today was a good day to confront him, since it was Friday and the Potions class was the last class of the day, and predictably Potter followed him when he walked away from the Potions classroom.
When Kieran was sure he was in an abandoned corridor far away from the student occupied parts of the castle, he turned around and looked into the eyes of his shadow. Potter looked rather embarrassed at being caught following him.
"Why are you following me?" Kieran said softly.
"I..." Harry hesitated. "I don't know."
"Don't lie to me. You've been following me since school started. Why?"
"Perhaps I'm curious," Harry replied.
"About what?" Kieran asked, arching an eyebrow.
"You," Harry replied simply.
"And what is there to be curious about me?" Kieran said.
"Because appearances can be deceiving," Harry snapped back sharply.
"I think perhaps we should take this discussion someplace other than a corridor ," Kieran replied. It was better if no one could walk in on this discussion. He felt like he was walking on thin ice with Potter. Incredibly enough, Potter had been the only one who had behaved overly suspicious towards him.
"Fine, I'm sure there's an abandoned classroom we can use," Harry replied.
"Yes, the door behind you should lead us to one," Kieran replied, relieved that the boy had not protested or raised an alarm. Granted, they were in an abandoned part of the castle, but still one could not be too cautious.
Potter opened the door, and hesitantly stepped inside the room. Kieran followed him. With sure steps he swept into the room, his robes billowing around him impressively. Satisfied, he noted that Potter's eyes were on his robes. Now he had the opportunity to take control of the situation. Swiftly he disarmed Potter with a wandless spell and locked the door with another.
Potter gazed at him, surprise written on his face at the treatment. Kieran cursed inwardly; he did not know what had possessed him to choose this particular course of action. His quick wandwork had practically given Potter the answers he needed to find out the truth. Perhaps, Kieran thought, it was a hormonal thing. He used to have better control of himself when he was older.
"You're Snape," Harry numbly mumbled.
Great, the Potter boy had puzzled it out, and to think that he'd done it without any help. Not that he could be sure that Albus had not managed to tell Potter something, despite the precautions Aberforth had taken. And now he had certainly managed to give himself away, with his own hasty actions. Oh well, time to question the boy.
"Maybe I am," Kieran replied, "the question is: what will you do if I admit I am Snape?"
"Why are you here? Why are you doing this?" Harry asked.
"I go to school here, and as for your other question, I've already told you I am tired of my new shadow," Kieran replied.
"Yeah, right," Harry snorted. "And why should I believe that?"
"Maybe because I am telling you the truth? Hmm?" Kieran said, circling Potter, who stood frozen in place, where Kieran had disarmed him. He felt rather satisfied at the moment. His intimidation skills had not suffered, though he had had little use for them in his disguise.
"But why? How? You died? What happened?" Harry questioned.
"So many questions, Mr Potter," Kieran replied, "I might have answers for you. But first I need an honest one from you. Will you allow me to remain Kieran Prince?"
"What if I say no?" Harry replied, his voice wavering slightly.
"You know the answer," Kieran said with a tired sigh.
"Obliviate," Harry murmured.
"Yes, but I rather hope I don't need to take that route with you. I was hoping that you were honest when you spoke of me, when you thought I had died. Meddling with memories is tricky, you never know if something might go wrong, so I hope it won't come to that," Kieran replied.
"You would trust me with your secret?" Harry said incredulously.
"Perhaps I hope you would trust me like you trusted him and that you would keep my secret in honour of one person we both hold dear," Kieran replied. "And I do know you are capable of keeping secrets."
"How?
"While Fawkes may have returned me to my youth, I retained my skills," Kieran replied, tapping his head. Potter had never been able to deflect his invasions if he was being subtle about it.
"Ah..." Harry said, sounding a bit deflated at the revelation. "But seriously, why are you here?"
"Like I said, I go to school here. Fawkes gave me a chance to start over from a point where I had not yet made my most foolish choice. As you might have heard, I spent my summer at the Hog's Head, and Aberforth helped me with my cover story among other things. I heard from him that you were upset because I died. So what will you say? Will you allow me this chance, or do I have to make you forget?" Kieran said, with a determined yet hopeful look in his eyes.
"I don't know, I mean, you..." Harry hesitated.
"So you lied, you don't want me to get another chance, do you? All the talk about respecting me, was it all just empty talk?" Kieran lowered his head as if he could not look at Potter. At the moment, he did not know whether he was acting more vulnerable than usual in order to manipulate Potter or if he was truly looking for approval from the boy.
"I...eh...Well to be completely honest with you," Harry started off hesitantly.
Kieran looked up at him and urged him to continue with a slight nod.
"Albus told me to keep an eye out for you. He didn't tell me why or who you were. But since I was already a bit suspicious, I was pretty sure it was you he was talking about. Your name, looks and manners told me the truth, even if he didn't. And that's why- "
Kieran let out a sigh and sagged down on the desk, deflated, interrupting Potter's speech.
"He still does not trust me. Even after all I did. For him. For her. I was right then, there are some things that can't be forgiven and there's no such thing as a former Death Eater. And I-"
"I trust you."
Harry's words effectively stopped Kieran mid-rant.
"You what?"
"I said: I trust you," Harry said with more confidence. He paused for a moment before he continued. "I wouldn't have gotten so suspicious of you if he hadn't told me to watch out for you. And Aberforth's behaviour confused me as well." At Kieran's questioning look he clarified, "How he acted after the battle; Minerva told me you had been friends."
"You trust me even after I threatened to Obliviate you? I will never understand you Gryffindors," Kieran said.
"Well, while you might never understand us Gryffindors, I understand Slytherins," Harry replied cheekily. "And your ego needs a bit of Gryffindor threatening to keep healthy."
After some more questions about how Fawkes had helped and such, it was time to part. Harry had promised to meet Hermione in the library, and he did not want to be late.
"Can we meet again? I have some questions I would like to ask?" Harry asked before Kieran walked out of the door.
"About your mother?" Harry nodded. "We can meet again here. I don't want anyone overhearing us, considering the fact that Kieran Prince does not know anything about Lily Evans.
"Will you cease your spying now that you know who I am?" Kieran suddenly asked.
"Perhaps I won't follow you around all the time, but I can't promise I won't look, because I rather like looking at you," Harry said cheekily as he ventured out of the door.
Kieran shook his head in disbelief as he followed Potter out. He never would have thought he would hear Potter say those words, especially to him. Perhaps the war had addled the boy's mind and no one had noticed, or maybe he was just teasing him. Either way, it was an odd thing to hear from Potter.
When they left the room, Harry remained a few steps behind, resuming his staring duties and that was when it struck him, that he was, in fact, admiring his ex-professor's bum. Perhaps admiring was the wrong word. He was practically drooling after it. It was so perfectly shaped and -
"Mr. Potter! Quit staring at my behind!"
Harry snapped back guiltily at Kieran's words. It was the second time today that he had been caught. Finally he managed to drag his gaze away from Kieran, and walked away towards the library. He was going to take the long way, as he definitely needed some time to think about everything Kieran had revealed. And he definitely needed to calm down a bit, as some parts of him had enjoyed the threatening part of his discussion with Kieran more than it was appropriate. He was quite glad that Kieran had not noticed his reaction, or at least he had not commented upon it.
First and foremost, he could not believe he was actually right about something. Kieran Prince had been hiding something, something big. Severus Snape had survived.
After Harry found out just who Kieran Prince was, he did not know what to do. On one hand he was strangely attracted to him and on the other he desperately wanted to know more, more about how Snape had survived and...what he knew about his mother. Or perhaps, what he had felt about his mother, a sly voice suggested. He scoffed the thought away; life just kept getting stranger. Stranger than dreaming of kissing Charlie Weasley or missing Colin's stalker like behaviour. Right now, he was really missing someone he could talk to about it all. He wished Sam were here. He knew he could have talked about some of it with him. And if that had not worked, he could have at least eased some tension by performing stress relief the way he liked it.
After lying awake for hours, he made a decision. He would try to become Sna-, well he better call him Kieran in his mind, so as not to accidentally blurt out the wrong name in public. So yes, where was he, yes thinking about becoming Kieran's friend. Maybe he could spend some time with him under the pretence of studying together. They both knew how hopeless he was at Potions anyway, and he also knew that Prince had a sharp mind. His Prince, he chuckled, remembering his obsession with the Potions book. He guessed he'd finally got what he wanted; he got to meet the Prince.
Kieran slipped into the classroom that he had confronted Potter in. He was pleased to see that he was the first to arrive, as that left him with enough time to cast the appropriate wards and charms. The things he and Potter were about to discuss were not for anyone else's ears. Potter stumbled in only moments after Kieran had finished casting the last wards. He was slightly out of breath, but he was grinning widely, as he sat down in the desk next to Kieran, obviously eager to get answers.
"Well go ahead then, I know you have many questions to ask," Kieran said by way of greeting.
"What?" Harry said, amazed. "You are just going to answer me?"
"Well why not? What else is there to discuss? Unless you really prefer to discuss Binns' latest lesson or Slughorn's simpering or how Draco keeps touching my-"
"Enough, enough," Harry laughed, a bit relieved. "I get your point, so what is it like, coming back?"
Damn, he had hoped that Harry would ask about something else before that one.
"Strange, I suppose, but my life has never been normal," Kieran replied vaguely.
"Well that I can understand," Harry said with a snort. "Normality is not something either of us are familiar with."
"I guess that's true. You know, I thought you would ask something else first, considering how we parted in May," Kieran said, giving Harry a speculating gaze.
Harry blushed a bit, "Well I... I guess I did not want to seem too nosy."
"I think it's a bit late for that, Mr. Potter," Kieran commented dryly, "all things considered." He noticed Harry wince at his comment. At first he did not know why Harry reacted that way until it hit him: the Pensieve incident. How could he have forgotten about that?
Inwardly he sighed, disappointed at himself. Considering all his experience of spying, he had been completely blindsided when it came to one Harry Potter. While the boy might have been the very image of his obnoxious father, his actions had proved that he was very different. Salazar, how could he ever have thought Harry would be anything like his father? The boy had not even known James. And judging by Harry's guilty look, the boy still felt guilty about the Pensieve and that confirmed once and for all that the boy was quite different than he had first thought.
"Yeah, I guess it's a bit late," Harry said. "But still, I want to apologise for looking into your Pensieve. It was wrong, but the temptation was simply too big to resist. If there even was a small chance that I would find out something useful, considering the fact that no one bothered to tell me things until it was too late.
"It's all in the past," Kieran replied. "And if we start apologising about everything that we have done to each other, we will be stuck here for the weekend."
"I guess so," Harry chuckled a little. It was bizarre really. Here he was chatting with Snape, of all people, and the worst part was that he actually quite enjoyed himself.
"So what do you want to know?" Kieran said, curious to see what Harry would ask. As long as it was Harry asking the questions, he would have control of what to reveal.
"About Mum...I don't know where to start. No one ever told me that much about her. But then again, I guess I never asked. Your memories, thanks for showing me mum," Harry murmured. "She must have been quite special to make such an impact on you."
"She was special, yes, in many ways. And I admired her for her strength to stand up for herself," Kieran replied. "She was a fierce person."
"What did she like? Besides charms?" Harry asked.
And after that, the conversation flowed smoothly, with only occasional awkward moments between them as Harry either asked something too personal or Kieran told Harry more than he had intended. Harry never commented on Kieran calling him Potter throughout the conversation; instead he focused on Kieran's stories and how good he looked when he smiled.
Since Harry had discovered just who Kieran Prince was, they had started meeting regularly. If anyone asked about it, they simply replied that they were studying together. An excuse most people accepted easily, though they did wonder why Harry was so keen on being together with a Slytherin. This, of course, provided Harry another excuse, telling people that he was sick of the separation of the houses and that he thought that students should interact with students from other houses than their own and not just in class or a Quidditch setting. He also made an impassioned speech, after someone said something nasty about the Slytherins, about how the war was over. He pointed out that the people who were back at Hogwarts were all survivors and that this was the time to unite and not exclude people. Or did they really want to be like the Death Eaters? After that, few people questioned Harry about his new acquaintances. Not even after finding him and Draco Malfoy sitting together in the library. But most often, when Harry got the time, he snuck out to spend time with Snape, or Kieran, as he had to remember to call him.
After the first few meetings, the awkwardness they both had felt disappeared almost completely. Snape seemed to relax and even genuinely enjoy his time with Harry. First Harry thought that it was just because Snape did not have to stay completely in his role of Kieran Prince. Later he discovered that Snape did genuinely like talking to him. Their near death or dying experiences had affected them deeply, changing them slightly. Both of them were still very stubborn. As they discovered during one of their talks when they disagreed; neither of them was ready to back up an inch. That time they also realised that they were both much more patient than before, which, considering their past encounters, was certainly a good thing.
But being more patient did not reach out to all areas of life. They had spent many evenings ranting. Harry complained about all the staring and the way some teachers gave him good marks even if he screwed up while Severus usually ranted about how infuriating Slughorn could be or how Slytherin girls did not seem to understand the word NO.
Both of them really enjoyed the fact that they were so comfortable with each other that they could talk about almost anything, almost being the key word. Neither of them had mentioned Harry's confession in September, when Kieran had confronted Harry about his spying. Harry did not bring it up because he feared that his newfound friendship might come to an abrupt end if he mentioned what he really thought of Sev-, damn it. Kieran. Well at least there was no doubting the fact that Harry really knew whom he was attracted to. Harry did wonder why Kieran never brought the topic up, considering the amount of ogling Harry did.
Kieran had indeed noticed Harry's stares, and he had no wish to discuss it, not yet anyway, when he did not know what he felt about Harry. While he could ignore discussing it with Harry, he could not ignore the amount of time Harry spent staring at him. He would catch him looking at him during lessons, in the hallways, and basically wherever they happened to be. Sometimes Harry's gaze would be curious, sometimes admiring and occasionally he could detect a hint of flirting. He had to admit that for once Harry managed to keep it subtle. Well, of course, the most observant students might notice that there was something more going on between the two than mere friendship. And oddly enough, Kieran had to remind himself not to call Potter 'Harry' when he was talking with him, as he was not quite ready for that step. He did not want Harry to read too much into it.
While the rest of the school was enjoying the Halloween festivities, Kieran and Harry had snuck up into the Astronomy Tower. Neither of them had felt the need to join in with the other students partying, preferring each other's company. Not that either of them would admit it out loud, not yet anyway. Initially Harry had asked if Kieran could help him with one of his assignments, and he had been pleased when Kieran suggested they could work on it during the Halloween Ball. But now that they were here, Harry rather suspected that they would not get that much studying done. Kieran had conjured a comfy sofa for them to sit on, and Harry had convinced a house-elf to bring them some snacks, and for a moment they just sat there, enjoying the silence and each other's presence.
"You know, you're quite different from what I'm used to," Harry said softly, breaking the silence between them.
"Can you really say you knew me before?" Kieran enquired, looking into Harry's eyes.
"No, I guess I can't," Harry replied quietly, meeting Kieran's gaze with a soft smile.
"Then you can't say that I'm different," Kieran commented.
"I guess not. Really, it's just quite strange. I like you; you are so unlike him. Yet, you are him..." Harry trailed off, not quite sure if he'd managed to express what he was thinking.
"Life is strange," Kieran agreed, "just think about how my life changed after the war ended."
"Yeah, it's amazing really. But, you know, I'm glad he saved you. I'm glad I got the chance to know you," Harry replied. After a moment's pause he continued, "Do you ever wish things had gone differently?"
Kieran scoffed.
"Right, of course you do. It's just... sometimes I wish, I wish I hadn't come back. Nothing's the same. They all stare at me," which was one reason why he was here with Kieran instead of down in the Great Hall, "and for a good reason. I should be dead. It's wrong. It's wrong that I survived."
"Oh, Harry..."Kieran said affectionately.
Harry whipped around so quickly that Kieran feared he would snap his neck.
"You never call me Harry," he said in explanation.
"Perhaps I should," Kieran said with an almost noticeable smile.
"Perhaps you should," Harry agreed. "But why...?"
"To remind you that no matter what you have gone through there are still people who care about you and who know that you are merely a human, not a superhero. Harry, never doubt yourself. What happened, happened. You are here, alive and well. Don't waste the opportunity. Merlin knows, I won't let my opportunity go to waste. If anyone should feel guilty, it's me. I have killed and tortured in the name of the Dark Lord. Yet I am still here, unmarked, escaping all punishment and blame."
Harry did not know what to say. He knew Kieran was right. But to actually admit it was harder. He found it strange that Kieran had accepted his chance so readily with no qualms whatsoever. But then again, Harry knew just how much Albus had meddled with Snape's life. He had never had the chance to be free. Harry found himself smiling.
"What are you smiling at?" Kieran asked angrily. Was that how Harry responded to honesty? Mocking him?
"No, no!" Harry shook his head. "It's just that...I'm... I'm so glad you finally got to be free."
And then the most amazing thing happened, at least Harry thought so, for Kieran Prince graced him with a brilliant smile. "So am I."
Together they stared at the stars; it was an amazing view from the tower. Everyone else was away at the Ball so they had the place for themselves, and Severus knew that if he'd still been a teacher, he would have been the only one to catch them out here. So there they sat together, watching the cloudless night sky, abandoning all pretence of studying. It was not as if that was what they had planned to do anyway, but they were still building up a friendship that was so fragile, that insinuating that they would want to meet for something other than studying would've been dangerous. Dangerous because it would be taking a step out in the unknown into a world where a Snape and a Potter could be friends and more.
Weeks went by and soon it was time for Christmas holidays. Hermione was heading to Australia with Ron. Harry had received his yearly invitation to spend Christmas at the Weasleys', but he had declined it in favour of another one coming from a much more surprising source. He knew he and Kieran had become close during the time they had spent together, but that did not mean he had expected the invitation.
Actually, when he thought about it, he should really not have been surprised. When Harry did not spend his weekend visiting Teddy and Andromeda, he spent it with Severus, or Kieran, as he forced himself to remember to call him. It was getting harder and harder not to slip and call him his real name, especially after all the discussions they had had about the past: about Lily, about their roles in the war and the misconceptions they had had about each other.
It no longer felt odd that they got along so well, and in regards to that, Harry admitted to himself that he had accepted Kieran's offer because he had some plans regarding Sev-, ahem, Kieran Prince. He had tried the subtle approach, flirting in the midst of their bantering and the looks. Merlin, Hermione had questioned him several times, asking him what on earth he was doing looking at Kieran like that. Maybe she'd thought he was a coward for not trying harder, but he had tried. During Halloween, he had been so close to kissing Sev-, ah what did it matter. No one was practising Legilimency at the moment, so yeah, he had been so close to kissing Severus, and Harry did not think Severus would have said no. But there was still something holding him back at that moment.
After Severus' invitation, he no longer feared rejection, or the fact that he would ruin their friendship. He had a feeling that Severus had not only invited him to Christmas dinner but something else. He was quite sure Severus was open to stretching the borders of their relationship, and Harry hoped that they would get the chance to do so during the holiday.
"Well, well...What have we got here?" Aberforth tried to say in a brusque manner, but he could feel the corners of his mouth going upwards.
Severus Snape looked quite adorable as he led Harry in with a manner reminiscent of a kid who had found a puppy and dragged it in asking: sir, can I keep it? Aberforth shook his head. Youth, you never knew what to expect from them.
"I can go," Harry said and turned for the door, misinterpreting Aberforth's look.
"No, no...There's no need for that. Kieran asked you over, didn't he?" Aberforth said, putting an emphasis on Snape's assumed name. He reminded all of them where they were with several patrons following the discussion. "Come, you must be hungry," Aberforth said imperiously. He headed for the bar and motioned for them to sit down.
"I can't stay for long tonight," Harry whispered to Kieran.
"Why not?" Kieran said quite petulantly.
"I promised Andromeda that I..."
Kieran felt like a heel; he'd completely forgotten about Harry's godson.
"Of course," he interrupted Harry. "I...I forgot," he finished, wondering why he had actually admitted that.
Harry shook his head. This was strange, the old Severus Snape would never have admitted to forgetting something like that. "You can come with me if you want," he offered hesitantly.
"I couldn't possibly..."
"Yes, you could," Aberforth broke in as he set the plates down in front of them. "Of course you can go visit little Teddy with Harry. You wouldn't want to leave Andromeda all alone. In fact, I have something for you to give her for Christmas and a little something for Teddy as well," Aberforth said with a sly wink.
"I guess..."
"It's settled," Harry finished with a smile. "Now let's eat, I'm starving!"
Laughing, Harry burst into Severus' room, closely followed by Severus himself. Severus smiled too. It had been a wonderful evening. He'd never thought that there would come a day when he would admit to having liked spending Christmas with a Potter. But then again, there were many things he'd never expected to happen, like getting a chance to start over. His thoughts turned back to the evening he had spent at Andromeda's house.
He had never seen Harry smile as much as he had tonight. And he had to admit that he too had smiled a lot more than usual. Little Teddy was really a charming little boy, and his happiness was contagious. Seeing the joy on Teddy's face as he played with the plush toys that he had gotten, the red dragon, the white phoenix and the house mascots, the poor boy had positively been drowning in the toys. His thoughts were broken when he felt Harry stepping closer, invading on his personal space.
"What are you doing?" he murmured, half-afraid. He knew what Harry was going to do and that he would not stop him. He had known that his invitation would put an end to their dancing around each other, and he had made the offer despite his fear. Once they took the step over the line of friendship, there was no turning back. If this did not work, he would once more lose one of the few friends he had and run the risk of his secret getting out due to petty revenge. The question was did he trust Harry enough to take the chance? Of course, he had already trusted Harry with his biggest secret, so perhaps he could trust him in this too.
"Doing something I wanted to do long ago, Severus. I'm going to kiss you," Harry said and proceeded to do just that. Harry twisted his hand in Snape's hair, pulling him closer and not breaking the kiss until they were both gasping for breath. He had never been kissed like that, never. The passion made his toes curl and his brain melt. All he could think was 'Sweet Salazar, can we fuck now?' Severus must have felt the same way, for he made quick work of their clothing, banishing it away.
So much for slow seduction, Harry thought vaguely, staring at the ceiling of Severus' room. He was not exactly sure how he had ended up here; it had happened so quickly. But in all honesty, he really did not care, not as long as Severus kept up licking him down there. Who knew it would feel so great? Sam had never done it to him, saying that it was gross, but Severus obviously did not mind.
"Holy fuck!" Harry suddenly shouted when he felt Severus add a finger and then another.
It seemed like Harry was not the only impatient one.
When Severus moved in him, it was like the first time all over again, with the pain gradually giving way to intense pleasure. Severus certainly knew what to do to make him go absolutely mad. Harry was not able to form any coherent words, just groans and moans. If he had been more conscious, he would have noticed the same look of concentration on Severus' face that he had when he was making potions.
Severus sought Harry's gaze as he moved in and out of him, but Harry's eyes were soft, and out of focus. He was struck by how utterly vulnerable Harry was, if Severus wanted to, he could do anything to him. And in that moment, Severus believed, for the first time, that Harry had meant every word he said the first time they spoke. He trusted him. He really did. For there was no sign of alarm on Harry's face just utter bliss.
Afterwards, Severus collapsed on the bed, rolling off Harry, but Harry was determined to stay close. Moving closer, Harry laid his head down on Severus' chest, murmuring something softly. He felt Severus chest move when Severus asked him what he was murmuring.
Before answering, Harry lifted his head up so he could look Severus straight in the eye when he spoke, "You know I could never have imagined how good this feels. It's so right." Severus scoffed at the typical post-coital talk, but there was something about Harry's glare that silenced him.
"I'm serious, Severus. This is so much better than what I imagined. I mean, Sam was wonderful, but he was nothing compared to you. You...I know you. And you know me. Everything. It's better. Wonderful. And you are wonderful too. Severus, I think...no, I know I love you," Harry said and leaned in for a tender kiss. Noting that Severus did not respond to the kiss, Harry backed away a bit, not knowing what to do. Was Severus angry at him? He must have said something aloud, for suddenly Severus pulled him close, kissing him deeply.
Severus poured all the emotion he had felt when Harry confessed his love to him into the kiss. He could not express in words how it felt to hear those words. Harry loved him. Not Kieran, but him, Severus. He lost himself in Harry's mouth.
Aberforth smiled to himself. Severus had never before forgotten the Silencing Charms when he had someone in his room until Harry came along.
"So Albus, what do you think?"
"It will only end in heartbreak. It always does."
"Never thought I would see the day you'd turn pessimistic."
"Well perhaps I've finally become wiser."
Aberforth scoffed, "Hardly. And for the record, I don't think it will. They are good for each other, and Severus needs him. I think no one but Harry was ready to welcome him back. "
"If you say so, but I have a bad feeling about this."
"Another thing Albus, don't meddle in this anymore. You almost blew Severus' cover the first week in school and I don't even want to think what would happen if they discovered him now. I know my spells can't hold you. Could you trust me for once, Albus? I know Severus will not harm anyone."
"You have my word," Albus finally said. "It's Christmas after all, and I have a feeling I don't need to do anything. What happens will happen, no matter what I do. That I am certain of."
"Well, I hope I am the one who is right," Aberforth said, and then he shoved the portrait back under the floorboard. "Happy Christmas, brother."
Severus' room was just under his own room, and judging by the sounds, they were not done yet. Let Albus listen to them, he thought with a smile on his face, for he knew he was right about them being good for each other. Before going to sleep, he threw a silencing ward around his bed. There was after all no need for him to have his sleep disturbed.
Severus carefully got out of bed, not wanting to disturb Harry's sleep. He walked to the window and watched the stars, New Year's Eve. Who could have ever imagined that he would be starting the New Year by making love with Harry Bloody Potter? That all of these things would happen, that Voldemort would finally be defeated, and that anyone would have wanted to save him. Let alone the familiar of the man he had killed? He knew of course that he had just been following orders, but he did not think Fawkes would ever have given him a chance to start over. To be honest he did not know if he would have saved himself. But perhaps, perhaps Fawkes had seen something in him that was worth saving. Perhaps Fawkes had known his anguish.
"What about my soul?" Severus whispered into the night. My soul, Albus did demand full payback for his time with the Death Eaters, for he had to have known what the Killing Curse did to Severus, to Severus' soul. How could Albus do it? Severus could not have forced anyone to do what he'd had to do. And he could not have let Harry go to certain death, despite their enmity; he had protected the damn boy for so long. That, he realised, was perhaps the reason why it'd all had to happen the way it did. If Nagini had not bitten him...who knew what he might have done?
And now, he was safe, as was Harry. They had both survived, against all odds. The most alarming thing was of course Harry's recent confession that he was in love with him, and of all the things that had transpired, his resurrection included, that had to be the most unlikely thing to have happened, at least so far. You never know what the future has in store for you, Severus thought.
When he thought of Harry saying the words, "I love you," he felt afraid. Despite Harry's sincerity, Severus was afraid that...that Harry would grow tired off him, now that he had had him. But most of all, he felt afraid to admit that he cared for Harry, because he had not felt this way about anyone for a very long time. He was scared, not because he feared that Harry would leave him, but of what it would do to him.
Though, he reflected, it was far too late to worry about not being affected. If Harry chose to leave him, it would hurt him deeply, because in the short time they had been together they had managed to form an undeniable connection. While he long had thought that the worst thing that could happen was if Harry broke his trust by telling the world who Kieran Prince really was or had been, now he was more inclined to think that the worst that could happen would be if Harry left him. After all that they had shared, after all those talks, there were things Severus had told Harry that he had not told anyone else.
Yet, despite the connection and all that they had shared with each other, Severus could not say the words to Harry. Perhaps it was his age showing, and the caution he had learned, the caution that had kept him safe to the very end. But had he ever been happy? Maybe he had when he'd stood over the cauldron brewing a new potion of his own creation. But that happiness had always been overshadowed by worry and the potions had mostly been created purely for the battle against Voldemort or for Voldemort himself.
There had been little room for experimental potions brewing, something he had loved doing in his youth. Of course, that love had steered him into the arms of Voldemort, and what had followed was not joy, certainly not. While he'd finally got to experiment, his aims were to torture, interrogate and kill. Not a very bright time in his life. He could still hear his victims' screams in his nightmares when he had had a bad day. He sighed tiredly; that was not what he wanted to think about now.
He looked up to the starlit sky, as if it held the answers to his questions. A small smile graced his face as he saw a shooting star. Maybe it was time to set aside caution. He had never enjoyed himself as much as he had during his time with Harry. And who knew how long it would last? Maybe it was best if he fully embraced it, dropped the last defences around his heart, and finally said the words he had not been able to utter the nights before to Harry. Yes, why not?
Why not be reckless for once? He had never said those words to anyone before. While he had felt the emotions before, he had known that the objects of his desire would have mocked him or seen the love as a weakness. He had not needed anyone else hurting him, not with his obligations keeping him tightly reined in. With Harry he had experienced the first true moments of freedom and happiness.
"Can't sleep?"
Severus turned around at the question, and he could not help but smile at Harry's appearance. The sleep-bedraggled look suited him, making him look quite adorable.
"Too much on my mind," Severus answered honestly.
"Want to share?" Harry said as he crossed the last bit of distance between them. Severus closed his arms around Harry, pulling him in for a kiss.
"Not particularly," Severus muttered into Harry's shoulder.
"Not particularly what?" Harry enquired.
"Don't particularly want to share you with anyone," Severus murmured.
"Not my question," Harry said.
"But my answer to your first question," Severus said, lifting his head up to look at Harry. "I was thinking about you and me, how I don't want to share you with anyone. And..." Severus hesitated.
"And?" Harry said encouragingly, his eyes shining with hope.
"And what I feel for you..." Feeling the emotions thicken his voice, Severus paused a moment to gather himself. He could say it. He could. He had his soul back. He was capable of emotion and of loving someone even if that someone was not an ordinary man, but someone as incredibly special as Harry. "Harry Bloody Potter," he murmured almost incomprehensibly, but Harry must have caught it for he could feel Harry's chuckling against him. And then he knew he could say it.
"I'm in love with Harry Bloody Potter..." he said slowly, and then more confidently he continued, "I'm in love with you." Looking straight into Harry's eyes that were shining with emotion, he could not resist stealing a kiss from Harry's lips and then another.
"And I love you too, Severus Bloody Snape," Harry murmured back to him in midst of the kissing.
"Happy Birthday," Harry said when he caught up with Kieran's stride.
"Thank you, you haven't told anyone else, have you? It would be too suspicious," Kieran said, looking slightly worried.
"Of course not." Harry looked affronted. "Do you think I'm stupid?" Then they both burst out laughing. Finally Harry managed to squeeze out, "I couldn't imagine things getting weirder than this."
"Ah, you Gryffindors are just incapable of imagining wilder things," Kieran said with a smirk.
"We do not! You should have seen what pictures my imagination provided me when I saw Charlie...ahem, nothing," Harry said, blushing when he realised what he'd almost blurted out to Severus. But he didn't give Kieran anytime to interject. "But it must be weird for you turning eighteen...again."
"More so than you can imagine," Kieran said with a pensive look on his face.
And while Harry was glad that Kieran did not bring up his remark about Charlie, he was a bit worried about the look on Kieran's face.
"But rather different than the one before," Kieran continued.
"How so?" Harry asked curiously.
"This time I have no expectations to meet, well, that involve illegal activities...unless you are offering," he finished with a wink before leaving a gaping Harry behind in the hallway, as he sped up the stairs to the Astronomy tower.
After a moment Harry chased after him. Oh, yes, he had some things on his mind, and some of them were quite against the rules and regulations of Hogwarts. He was thankful that they were unlikely to get caught with Severus' expertise on their side. Harry definitely preferred the teenaged version of Snape; he was much more fun.
As spring progressed, Harry was glad that Hermione was not nagging at him all the time, not after he told her that he was studying with Kieran, which was of course a slight untruth. Kieran did teach him new things, but those were hardly things suitable for impressing the NEWT examiners unless Harry suddenly decided to try getting high marks using his assets for other things than wandwork, something that never failed to make him and Kieran laugh. The thought of Griselda Marchbanks' expression if Harry suddenly started demonstrating the knowledge he had gained from Kieran's tutelage, was simply too amusing of a thought.
Of course one day Hermione found out the truth about their study sessions, which meant that she went back to nagging at him. It seemed someone was jealous of the fact that Harry had his lover at Hogwarts, whereas her lover was off with the Ministry. Harry had chuckled about the fact with Severus in private. He was after all not insane enough to suggest to Hermione that she visit Ron more often. Conjugal visits at the Ministry... Of course they had enjoyed the fact a bit more than they should have and someone had caught the end bit of that conversation. And she was not pleased about the fact, especially after she had seen Harry enthusiastically kissing Kieran.
Kieran woke up with a start. Where was he? The last thing he could remember was walking towards the dungeons after lunch, intending to take a nap. Harry had not let him have much sleep the previous night. He smiled at the memory, but he was brought back to the seriousness of the situation when he heard someone clear their throat. That was when he also discovered that he could not move. He was tied to a chair, and judging by the look of his surroundings, he was still at Hogwarts and most likely in an abandoned classroom.
"Finally woken up then?"
Kieran recognised the voice instantly; it was the jealous ex. He sighed resignedly. He should have known that she would interfere. Harry and he had managed to keep the true nature of their relationship relatively secret, meaning that those who did not want to think of them as a couple lived happily in the land of denial. Ginny had been one of them, until Hermione had decided to tell her. Something about girls sticking up for each other, who knows? Maybe she was just worried about how Ron would react if he learned that Hermione had not told Ginny about Harry's relationship. Oh, the teenage drama, he was too old for this. And he knew that that was one of the reasons Harry had been drawn to him; he was not prone to these kinds of dramatic displays. His dramatic displays were at least well planned out and he hazarded a guess that Ginny did not have a game plan.
"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Ginny remarked, sounding rather irritated by the lack of reply.
Obviously she was not happy about the fact that Kieran was sitting calmly in the chair instead of shaking with fear or anger.
Kieran smirked at her.
"Well since there is no one else in the room other than me and you, I would think it quite obvious that you are talking to me. Now, what I really want to know is why am I tied up? Surely you are not so desperate for company that you would resort to kidnapping company? And to be honest, I don't think your plan is that good. Assaulting people is not the best way to charm then and-"
"That's enough! I did not bring you here for that!" Ginny thundered.
"Then why did you bring me here?" Kieran questioned her.
And while Ginny struggled to think of something to say, Kieran took advantage of the moment.
"Ah, judging by the lack of answers, you just grabbed me when you saw the chance without really having a plan. Very sloppy work, but very Gryffindorish," Kieran taunted.
"Is that really wise, taunting Gryffindors? I could tell Harry what you just said," Ginny commented, finally composed enough to answer him.
"Ah, well that would be unnecessary," Kieran said with a grin. Okay, he was tied to a chair, but he had not had this much fun in ages. Taunting Gryffindors was always fun, no matter the situation. And what really made the moment sweet was the fact that Ginny had not removed his wand, which enabled him to voicelessly cast the spell to alarm the Headmistress about trouble. Ah, sometimes his past experiences proved to be invaluable.
"How so?" Ginny asked suspiciously.
"Because he knows what I think already... In fact I think he finds it a bit of a turn on when I tease him. In fact one time when we were in bed I-"
"Stop!" Ginny said, covering her ears. "I don't want to hear anything more."
"What, you can't handle the truth? That Harry prefers me over you? A slimy Slytherin over the princess of Gryffindor? Hmm? It's a bit tough, isn't it? To lose to a guy of all things. Makes people wonder what you did to him?" Oops, he might have gone a bit too far with that one, as he noted that Ginny was now shaking with anger. But then again, he was confident that the cavalry would arrive soon and if help did not arrive in time, he did have a few tricks up his sleeve.
"I did not do anything to Harry," she said icily, lifting her wand to point at Kieran intending to hex him.
But she was interrupted by Headmistress McGonagall and Slughorn's appearance.
"What is going on, Miss Weasley? Step away from Mr Prince!" McGonagall commanded.
When Ginny complied, Slughorn moved to release Kieran.
"Now, Miss Weasley, we are going to have a chat in my office, and I will have to inform your parents. What were you thinking kidnapping another student? Come along then. Horace, take Kieran back to the dormitories." Minerva said, heading out from the door.
Kieran assured Slughorn that he was all right and that he did not need an escort. He smirked inwardly as he heard Ginny's voice echo in the corridor. She was repeating the Headmistress words. Indeed what had she been thinking? Ah, youth and Gryffindors. That reminded him of another Gryffindor, one who was much better company than one Ginevra Weasley. Instead of heading to the Slytherin Dorms, he set course for the Gryffindor Tower, leaving Slughorn behind.
Harry stared at the letter pensively; this was not the first time that Ron had asked him about joining the Aurors. Had he not understood that Harry never meant to become one? That he had chosen to go to Hogwarts, and that he had no intention of working at the Ministry? Maybe he needed to make himself abundantly clear. He just hoped that Ron would understand and that he would not bring anyone else into the matter. It was Harry's life, and he did not need anyone to make his choices for him. Harry stared out from the window. It was raining; he let out a deep sigh and drifted away in his thoughts. Unfortunately, he was soon interrupted by the whirlwind that was Hermione.
"Harry! What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to join us in the library today? You know your study sessions with Kieran hardly can be counted as studying? You need to take this more seriously! I don't know how many times I caught you zoning off during class! Don't you care about anything?" Hermione fumed.
Harry slowly turned to face Hermione. He was shaking with repressed anger. "I know what I'm doing. I don't need you coming here and shouting at me. Don't you think I'm capable of doing anything by myself? And don't you dare draw Kieran into this! It's hard enough with Ginny knowing about it! Attacking him for no reason! Lay off, will you!? I've got enough on my mind as it is!"
"Fine, be that way, "Hermione said, storming out from the dorm.
Harry decided he would go and find Kieran, as he was in need of some serious distraction, otherwise he might send Ron a letter that was far harsher than needed. He found Kieran in his usual spot, the abandoned classroom that had served them well, for conversations and other things. And it was those other things that Harry had in mind.
"You're cute you know," Harry said teasingly as he regarded his lover, who was intently studying a potions book.
"Am not, cease mocking me," Kieran said as gruffly as he could, but his eyes betrayed his amusement.
"I'm not mocking you..." Harry said, wrapping his arms around Kieran, nibbling kisses along his neck.
"Then why on earth do you insist on calling me cute?" Kieran asked, somewhat distractedly.
"Because I love the way it gets to you...every time," Harry murmured.
Harry could not believe it. He read through Andromeda's letter again. All along they had been wrong. It was a hereditary condition. Teddy...like his father had been, was a werewolf. He hurried out from the dorm; he had to get to them now. McGonagall had better let him Floo straight out from her office. This was an emergency after all. Out of breath, he finally reached the stairs that led him to McGonagall's office.
"What's the matter, Harry?" McGonagall asked calmly, as if it were a natural occurrence to have Harry rushing into her office.
"I have to see Teddy, now," Harry gasped out.
"But it's in the middle of week? And the NEWTs are next week. Has something happened to him? Or Andromeda?" McGonagall asked, worry showing in her eyes.
"Yes, it's an emergency! Please, may I use the Floo?"
"Of course, but before you go, Harry, the Ministry and the press has been pressuring me about your future plans. I know this isn't the best time to ask, but well, I hardly see you anymore unless something bad happens," Minerva said. "So what are your plans Harry?" Minerva asked.
"My plans?" Harry repeated dumbly, his mind on the letter he had just received.
"For the future?" Minerva repeated impatiently. "You are going to be an Auror, aren't you?"
"No, what? Who told you that?"
"You did, remember in fifth year?"
"Well I have changed my mind. I came here, didn't I? I had the same offer as Ron, but I did not take it."
"What then will you do? Please tell me you are not going to let all that talent go to waste," Minerva finished with a sigh.
"Trust me, professor; I'm not intending to let it go to waste. Now if you would excuse me, Andromeda and Teddy are waiting for me," Harry said, heading for the Floo.
"Mr. Potter?" Minerva called out.
"What?" Harry said icily.
And that stopped Minerva from asking anything more; she knew it had been unwise of her to touch the subject of Harry's career plan when he was clearly distressed about something. But, Harry had been avoiding her office ever since the Ginny-incident.
"Send my love to Andromeda and Teddy, I hope everything works out," she said.
Harry's gaze softened at her words. He knew that McGonagall had not had it easy, taking over the school after the war ended.
"So do I, Minerva. So do I," Harry replied before he stepped into the Floo calling out his destination.
Minerva relaxed a bit, hearing Harry call her by her given name. So she was forgiven.
When Harry stepped out from the Floo, he was confronted by a distraught Andromeda.
"It was just a dream. Wasn't it?" Andromeda said, looking at him, her eyes red from crying.
"What?" Harry said, guiding Andromeda to the sofa.
"That everything would be all right," Andromeda said brokenly.
"But it's going to be all right; he will get all the help he needs, I promise," Harry said soothingly.
"How can it be? He is a werewolf... You saw how weary Remus grew of his transformations, how he aged..." Andromeda could not bring herself to continue.
"Andromeda," Harry said determinedly. "We are going to get through this. I'm going to find someone who can help us. Help little Teddy. There might not be a cure for his condition, but I swear I will try and find a way to help him."
"But who?"
"I know someone who is brilliant at potions; he will able to help us. At the very least he can brew Wolfsbane Potion when the time comes," Harry explained.
"Not that Prince boy, surely? He's so young. What does he know?" Andromeda said bitterly.
"Andromeda, trust me on this. Not everything is what it looks like. He will be able to help, I know he will," Harry stated.
And Andromeda could not help but admire the determination that Harry had. He truly was something special. No matter what happened, he still had hope for it to get better. Of course, that was all they had at the moment: hope. Hope that things would get better. Andromeda comforted herself with the Healer's words that Teddy would not start transforming into a werewolf until his body had matured, which was the advantage of being born as a werewolf as opposed to being bitten.
There was time still.
Harry sat with her for awhile until they heard Teddy waking up. Then Harry fetched him down to the sitting room, and for a while everything was exactly like before. Andromeda watched Harry and Teddy building a tower out of blocks and she laughed at Harry's exasperated look every time Teddy knocked down whatever he had built. Of course, Harry broke down a few minutes later, laughing. They ended the evening with a cup of warm cocoa in the kitchen, courtesy of Kreacher. Then Harry had to say goodbye. He had the NEWTs to study for after all. Not to mention he had to tell Severus about what had happened.
When Harry returned to the castle, he did not go straight to the Gryffindor dorms; instead he opted for the Astronomy Tower, needing a bit of time to think about what he had just been through. He met no one on his journey, not before he had reached his destination. He jumped into Kieran' arms as soon as he recognised him. For a moment they remained silent, Harry enjoying the feel of Kieran's arms wrapped around him.
"Where have you been?" Kieran enquired softly.
"At Andromeda's," Harry replied shakily.
"Did something happen?" Kieran asked worriedly.
"It's Teddy... He's...He's a werewolf, just like Remus. Apparently it's a hereditary condition," Harry explained. "And Andromeda was so worried; she didn't know who to turn to. I promised her that you would help her and that you-"
"You did what?" Kieran said, and pushed Harry away from his arms. "How could you just go and say something like that?"
Harry stared at Kieran's back. He was running away from him; determinedly he chased after him.
"Severus, wait!" And he froze at the spot. How could he have been so careless to blurt out the wrong name? Merlin, he hoped that no one was up this late.
Kieran turned around at the sound of his real name, his body vibrating with anger, "Stop being so careless! Soon the whole world will know who I am! Don't ever let me hear you call me that again!" His shout echoed in the otherwise empty corridor. "I trusted you," he muttered quietly. "Damn it, I trusted you," he repeated. "I trusted you!" he finally shouted.
"I'm sorry.... But can't you see... He needs your help..." Harry said pleadingly.
"Any potions brewer can help him," Kieran said, although he knew that it was a lie. Many brewers refused to make Wolfsbane potion because of prejudice and fear and others did not have the skills required to make the complicated potion.
"But none of them are as brilliant as you," Harry finally tried.
"Flattery will get you nowhere, Mr. Potter," Kieran said coldly.
Harry was chilled by the sound. It was like Professor Snape had returned in his full glory, doing his favourite thing - putting him down. He stared at his lover, and he must have looked really crushed, because he could see Severus' gaze soften somewhat. Hopefully, Harry thought, he will realise he was overreacting. It was not as if Andromeda had any clue of Kieran's real identity, and neither had anyone else, Harry had been very careful when it came to talking about Severus' new identity. Of course Harry knew he had done wrong by volunteering Severus help to Andromeda, without checking if it was alright with him. But instead of speaking to him, Severus left him without saying anything.
After he left, Harry stood and stared at the spot his lover had vacated, dumbfounded. And after a moment, the repercussions of his actions caught up with him. Damn it, he had really screwed up now. Losing Severus' trust was the last thing he needed at the moment. And the worst part was that he had no idea of how to fix it. It was all too much for him to handle.
Two days had passed since their argument, two days that Harry had spent all his time thinking about ways to apologise, instead of studying for the NEWTs. And today was no different, as he was once again sitting in the library with Hermione, staring blankly at the books in front of him. Suddenly Hermione slammed her book shut and grabbed Harry's arm, dragging him out from the library, ignoring Harry's protests.
"Now you listen to me. I don't care what you did to Kieran, but the moping has to stop. And that concerns the both of you, as he's no better off than you, sitting in the back corner of the library, leafing through books with a blank look in his eyes, which sure as heck is not a sign of effective studying. One of you has to do something! And I swear if you don't go and talk to him, I will go and talk to him myself! And-" Hermione stopped to draw in a breath.
"Okay, okay. I get your point," Harry said, seeing his chance to get in a word before Hermione continued her rant. "So he's moping too?"
"Yes," Hermione said with a resigned sigh.
Harry grinned at her, feeling hopeful for the first time since the argument.
"Great. I'll just go, then. Thanks!" he said before he dashed back into the library. Hopefully Kieran would still be there. He winced at the glare Madam Pince gave him as he rushed into the library, but he was a man with a mission, so he ignored her disapproving looks for the moment.
He spotted Kieran, and slightly out of breath, he sat down next to him. For a moment no words came out of his mouth. He had just rushed in without considering what he was going to say. After a moment's thought, he cleared his throat. Maybe he should just start with the obvious. "Can you forgive me?" Harry asked pleadingly.
"For what?" Kieran asked, without looking up from his book.
"For being such a fool, I shouldn't have promised your help to Andromeda without checking with you first. And I definitely should not have shouted out your name in the corridor," Harry said nervously.
"You're forgiven," Kieran said, looking up from his book. "I know I overreacted, I just-" Kieran paused for a moment, considering what he should say next, "I did not know what to say after shouting at you, ahem...I'm sorry for shouting at you. I know I shouldn't have, but I wasn't really thinking at that point. You know my past experiences with werewolves aren't exactly good..."
"Yeah, I should have thought about that. I guess both of us did something stupid, and you're forgiven too," Harry said with a relieved grin, but his expression turned a bit more serious as he thought of his next question. "So do I have to search for someone else or will you help?" Harry asked hopefully.
"Of course I will help. Teddy is a sweet boy," Kieran replied.
"But not as sweet as I am?" Harry said with a wink.
"Oh, you are hopeless. I was trying to be serious," Kieran replied sternly, but his eyes betrayed his amusement.
"Oh, Severus," Harry murmured quietly before he threw himself at the other man, kissing him hard. "I missed you."
"It's only been a couple days," Kieran murmured in response. "But I missed you too, and especially that sinful mouth of yours..."
They were interrupted by a scowling Madam Pince, who informed them that their behaviour was unacceptable in her library. Laughing, Kieran and Harry broke apart and quickly gathered their things together. They had some making up to do, and preferably somewhere where no one could interrupt them. Studying could wait.
Their hasty retreat was accompanied with smiles and laughter from the other students in the library.
The NEWTs were finally behind them, and so was Hermione's pestering. A relaxed atmosphere settled over the school, and students' laughter could be heard. The tenseness of NEWTs week was but a memory. To celebrate that school was almost over the students were allowed to visit Hogsmeade. Harry and Severus were going together, and this time they did not care who saw them walking down to the village together. They were headed for Hog's Head, to visit Aberforth.
When they arrived, Aberforth congratulated them both, happily providing them with drinks. They chatted for awhile, exchanging stories and rumours. After some time, Aberforth left the two of them alone. The boys laughed, at Aberforth's parting remark. He told them that they should enjoy their time together. Then he disappeared from their view, going upstairs. To rest, he as he humorously told them.
"I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up," Harry said, still chuckling.
"Well, that makes two of us," Severus admitted. "What do say, should we make a deal of it?"
"What kind of deal?" Harry asked, leaning forward, clearly curious.
"That we'll find out together."
"Yes," Harry whispered breathlessly, throwing his arms around Severus' neck and pulling him in for a kiss. When the passionate kiss ended, Severus stared at Harry, and then suddenly without warning, he yanked Harry into his lap. They spun around until they were dizzy and their laughter echoed in the empty pub.
Severus had never felt so alive.
Finally they had found forgiveness, and a new beginning. Hand in hand they stepped out from the Hog's Head, not noticing the smiling Aberforth who stood by the window watching them leave.
"I was right," he said, smiling. And then he turned to the small portrait, which he had just hung above his dresser.
"Wasn't I?"
"Yes," Albus said. "Yes. You always were."
Forgiveness, Aberforth decided, was something he could now do. He would let the portrait stay.
He whistled merrily as he prepared his evening scotch. He then raised his glass towards Albus.
"To new beginnings!" Albus echoed the sentiment. Who knew they would get on so well after the blighter had gotten himself killed? But then again, that was one more thing he had been right about, that they would only settle the argument by killing one of 'em.
In the distance a white bird took flight, chirping out a happy song. Its mission was complete.
It disappeared in a flash of white fire.
Peace at last.
THE END
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